I stood on our front balcony in temporary sunlight , looking out for another storm to come , and saw a neighbour's two four year olds in action outside , freed for the moment from cabin fever .
With whoops and yells and brandishings of sticks ,
the two small boys confront the threatening world .
The rain has ceased , and here beneath the mix
of sunshine and grey clouds , tattered and hurled
by a blustering wind, they bravely defy those foes
that lurk unseen within this unkempt garden
all concealed by murraya , grevillea and rose;
beasts that could strike with neither let nor pardon.
More rain must bring about a quick retreat ;
and the rain is near again , so their defiance,
before departing with reluctant feet
is shown by the magic in that old reliance
on marking territory , mate with mate :
And so they drop their pants and urinate .
|
Written by Phil (7008 comments posted) 29th August 2006 |
Didn't see that coming! Enjoyed it. Phil |
Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 29th August 2006 |
Great Brian! You have been showing lots of different sides to your writing on the site lately and this humorous piece is just another string to your bow!! best wishes brook |
Body Magic Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 29th August 2006 |
| I liked this piece and I agree with Brook_rivers that you have been showing lots of different sides to your writing lately. I have been reading it all. I think that this little statement was quite funny at the end of a very descriptive poem. Children do need a little part of their world for make-believe and this garden jungle was just right for two little boys. Well done! |
Wag. Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 29th August 2006 |
Well Brian, I see you are a bit of a poet yourself, eh!? Bit of a wag too, eh. Loved it! Herbie meets Housman. Excellent! Slan! |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
so many poems get posted so I missed this one, a lovely piece I think you captured the wild unfettered enjoyment of the kids. A well observed bit of writing,.if you weren't a poet this would have made a good short story cheers BBS |
Brilliant! Written by Talisker (1336 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
For me the "punch line" spoils it a bit. Otherwise I loved it, you're clearly a bit of a silver tongue'd wordsmith. More poems please! Oli |
thanks all Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
Phil- the youngsters were very direct ! Brooke - nice to hear from you again! Josie--I would not have the courage to do as your pm suggested ! BBS -- that idea of yours is now a burr in my hide . Talisker - I merely described what actually occurred ! Gerard - Housman? This old chestnut cast his flambeaux long ago ! patterjack |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
Simply wonderful! How gross are young children? Did you say anything? I would have! Had you not had that punch line in there it still would have made a beautiful poem. I loved the descriptive stlye you wrote it in. |
Too late to shout , Gill. Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
I could have shouted , but they were only performing their own ritual -- and helpfully fertilising a part of the garden And when a four year old has to pee he has to pee ! patterjack |
Written by ellipinnock (1795 comments posted) 4th September 2006 |
Reminded me of a lady I heard on the radio who fastidiously dilutes her urine and waters the garden with it, a primeval urge perhaps? I really like this, you rhyme so effortlessly it is a wonder to behold! Captures the spirit of small children wonderfully. Great Elli |
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