The doll is almost fully inflated when it happens.  Father Gerard is sitting cross-legged on the sofa watching Tanya`s voluptuous body slowly taking shape when Fred lets out a low gasp and falls to the floor. The doll, now devoid of Fred`s life-giving oxygen, crumples in front of the Father`s astonished eyes, and slips in a latex heap on top of the prostrate Fred.
      "Jesus holy mother of God,  are yous alright Fred," the Father shouts, plucking the flaccid doll`s buttocks away from his friend`s face.
      "I think I`m having one of them heart attacks," Fred croaks, "I think you`d better phone the hospital."
       "Yes, fine..hospital..that`s what I`ll do to be sure," Father Gerard twitters, "You`ll be waiting there now will yous, while I phone?"
       "Unless I decide I need to make a cup of tea," Fred groans.  "Just call the ambulance my friend, quickly."
       Father Gerard dials  the number and directs  the ambulance operator to the Public House. This done he hurries back to check on Fred.
        "Is it the pain you have my friend?"
        "The old chest feels like I`ve got one of them bloody Russian women hammer throwers squatting over my friggin face," Fred replies, beads of cold sweat running down his ashen face.
Father Gerard kneels down and grasps Fred`s hand. `" This`ll teach yous to keep off those mucky websites my friend, so it will."
Fred throws the cleric a wan smile. "To be honest I`ve been getting these nasty pains for a few weeks now, but I put it down to Mrs River`s meat pies."
       "Eye well I must admit the woman`s cookin` would be enough ta gi` an elephant the raging indigestion so it would."
       "And I suppose I`ve been worrying about the pub as well," Fred continues, his face contorting as another wave of pain washes over him. "Takings have been down quite a bit this year. Tanya reckons I ought to go upmarket, you know, get a fancy chef in, write the menu in that French stuff and put the veg out in a separate dish."
       "Ah what does she know the flighty little madam," Father Gerard sniffs. "It`s all these newcomers to the village, putting daft ideas in the wee girls head."
       "All the same-
       "Now you`s not to give it another thought," Father Gerard interrupts. "Just yous concentrate on getting better. Will ya` do that fa` me now?"
Before Fred can reply the sound of an ambulance siren sends Father Gerard scurrying to the window.
       "I`ll just away and let them in," he says, hurrying towards the stairs...

 The two paramedics fill the tiny upstairs room. The one smelling of cologne and sporting a rather nice diamond-studded earring bends down in front of Fred.
       "Now then sir, what`s your name?"
       "Fred West."
        "Ooh, no relation I hope."
        "Sorry?"
        "Right then Fred, I`m just going to roll your sleeve up and take your blood-
He breaks off, his eyes fixed on the half-deflated doll slumped in the corner of the room.
        "Good heavens! No it can`t be..it is..it`s Tanya, my long lost little sister..."