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Great Writing - Home > Scripts > Nabbin' a Good 'Un
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Drama Scripts
| print friendly version | |
| Nabbin' a Good 'Un | |
| By mishmish | ||||||||
| 02 September 2006 | ||||||||
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Amazing what you can pick up at a jumble sale... This is the second time I've tried scripting. Please give me your constructive criticism. Thanks. OUTSIDE: (PAN SHOT) BLUE PEUGOT 307 DRIVING THROUGH 1980’S STYLE TERRACE ESTATES, BIT RUN DOWN, WITH KIDS RUNNING AROUND SMALL FRONT GARDENS, CARS PARKED HALF ON THE PAVEMENT, RUBBISH BAGS AWAITING COLLECTION ON THE CORNERS OF EACH OF THE HOUSES. THE SUN IS SHINING BUT CLOUDS THREATEN RAIN. INSIDE: FRED BUTLER IN THE DRIVING SEAT. HE IS MID-FIFTIES, GOING BALD, PAUNCHY BEER GUT, ALTHOUGH SEATED HE IS TALL (5’11’’ OR ABOVE). FRED IS DRESSED IN NAVY HEAVY COTTON CASUAL TROUSERS AND A BURGUNDY PRINGLE CREWNECK JUMPER. HE IS FROM SOUTH EAST LONDON AND SPEAKS WITH A HEAVY COCKNEY ACCENT. IN THE PASSENGER SEAT IS JO BUTLER, FRED’S WIFE. SHE IS IN HER MID-FIFTIES, SLIM AND PETITE (5’2’’), BRUNETTE BUT GOING GREY AT THE ROOTS. JO IS DRESSED IN AN OLIVE ‘A ‘ LINE SKIRT, PALE PINK TURN BACK BLOUSE AND CREAM ZIP UP COTTON CARDIGAN. FRED: (DELIVERS AS HE STARES OUT THE WINDSCREEN WITH A MISERABLE EXPRESSION ‘His ‘ad bet’er be a good ‘un. Yer know what I culd be doin’ dontcha? JO: (SMILES AND GIVES HER HUSBAND’S KNEE A FRIENDLY SQUEEZE) Ow cum on luv’ don’t be like ‘hat. Yer said I needed some’ink. Yer know ‘n ‘obby or ‘n int’rest FRED: (TURNS TO LOOK AT JO VERY ANNOYED) I didn’t fink yer’d get an ‘obby on the day of a’ FA cup! Jo: (REMOVES HER HAND FROM HIS KNEE, FOLDS HER ARMS AND LOOKS PRIM LIKE A SCHOOL MARM) ‘hat’s wot ‘his is abaat, yur bloody telly. Listen mate, i’dus a bit a good ta get aat and ‘ave a bit a fresh air. Fred: (LOOKS RUEFULLY AT A FACTORY KICKING OUT FUMES, DELIVERS IN AN IRONIC VOICE) I’s ‘ardly a’bloody count’ryeside luv’ Jo: Gravesen’s awright. Not seen yer complain before? Fred: (STILL ANNOYED) I ain’t been dragged aat on a bloody goose chase before. Jo: Is’not a goose chase. Molly ‘eard ‘here was a jumble be’ind a’Coach n ‘Orses. Fred: (ROLLS HIS EYES, TAKES HIS HANDS OFF THE WHEEL FOR A SECOND AS IF IN REVERENTIAL PRAYER) Ow wewll, a’prophet ‘as spoken, if Molly’s ‘eard ‘hen it mus’ be right! Jo: (REPROACHFULLY) Fred she’s awright, don’t be like ‘hat, she awaways looks aat fur me. Yu dunno, y’might even fin’ some’ink ta pick yourself? Fred: (SHAKING HIS HEAD AND SULKS) Daaut it! Jo: Don’t ‘ave a mood on, makes everywun arran’ yer depressed. Yar recordin’ it afft’er awll. Fred: (SULKING) Ain’t a’same! Jo: Wot ain’t? Fred: Wotchin’ it on replay. It don’t fewll a’same. Jo: I’s jus’ a bloody game. Wot’s diff’ren’? Fred: (POINTING TO HIMSELF) I know, ‘hat’s wot’s diff’ren’. I know. I can’t get a’vibe when i’s on replay. Jo: (LAUGHING IN A TAKING THE MICKEY KIND OF WAY) Ow ‘hat’s daf’, Fred. Fink I fewll any diff’ren’ if I record EastEnders? Fred: Yer can’t compare ‘em. Wiv a’game, I’s spirit’chawll. Jo: I’dunno mus’ be the chro-mo-somes, I can never understan’ yer. Fred: Same ‘ere. Gawd knows why we’re goin’ ta ‘his place? Jo: We won’t be goin’ nowhere if y’don’t turn a’bleeding wewll. I’s over ‘here (LEANS OVER AND POINTS ACROSS FRED TO THE WINDOW ON HIS RIGHT) Fred: Awright, awright, put yer ‘and daan woman, I nearly ‘it ‘hat bloke. Jesus, yu wan’ me in jawll? Jo: Be a rest! Fred: I dunno why I bovver? Jo: Yu usually don’t Fred: (GLARES AT JO, SAYS NOTHING, STOPS, PARKS THE CAR LEANS OVER GRABS HIS BURBERRY JACKET AND GETS OUT.) So ‘his is it. Le’s get ‘his over wiv. (PULLS ON HIS JACKET) Jo: Yer make it soun’ like pullin’ teef (JO SLAMS THE CAR DOOR AND STARES ANGRILY AT FRED.) Fred: At leas’ wiv ‘hat yer get annefatised Jo: Carry on like ‘his n’I culd arrang’ it! (GLARES HARD AT FRED) Fred: (SAID UNDER HIS BREATH) Umm I belive yer culd! (WATCHES AS JO MARCHES OFF IN A HUFF TO THE BRIC A BRAC STALL, FRED FOLLOWS A FEW PACES BEHIND) Jo: (HAS HER BACK TO FRED, HE CAN’T SEE WHEN SHE PICKS UP A CHINA PLATE BUT HE HEARS HER WORDS) Ow ‘his is luvly (FRED ARRIVES BY HER SIDE, JO SIMULTANEOUSLY PICKS UP A STRANGE AFRICAN TOTEM POLE CARVING) Fred: Luvly! Looks mor’ like yur muvver (JO PUTS DOWN THE TOTEM AND MOVES OFF TO ANOTHER STALL) Seller: A MAN IN HIS THIRTIES, MEDIUM BUILT, DARK HAIR, DRESSED IN SHABBY JEANS AND ARMY SURPLUS T-SHIRT. SPEAKS IN A BRUMMIE ACCENT. I thiink it’s yused fa waarding eveeel spireets awaaay. It’s ownlee twentee puunns. Fred: (LOOKS AT THE SELLER, THINKING DEEPLY) Yeah le’s ‘ave it, need awll a’help I can get ! (SHOOTS A LOOK AT JO WHO HAS HER BACK TURNED AND IS DEEP INTO CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER SELLER. HANDS MONEY TO SELLER, SMILES GENTLY AT HIS WIFE HOPING THE PEACE OFFERING WILL WORK, AND WALKS TOWARDS HER.) Fred: ‘Ere yer luv’ present fer yer (FRED SHOVES THE TOTEM POLE IN HER FACE) Jo: Ugh! (IMMEDIATELY GRIMACES) Fred: (LOOKS HURT) I thawt yer said yer liked it. Jo: (CONFUSED) When? Fred: Jus’ naw, when y’said ‘Ow ‘his is luvly’ Jo: (REALISING FRED’S MISTAKE) I mean’ a’plate Fred: Wot plate? Jo: A’plate I…Ow never min’ Fred: (LOOKS PUZZLED) So what I du wiv ‘his ‘hen (holding up the totem pole in front of her) Jo: Yer really wanna know? (LOOKS AT FRED WITH A REALLY RUDE FACE) Fred: (FRED LOOKS QUIZZICALLY AT POLE, SHRUGS AND SHOVES IT IN HIS INSIDE JACKET) Haw much longer yu gonna be? (IRRITATED LOOKING AT HIS WATCH) Jo: Gawd Fred, we’ve only jus’ arrived, giv’ us a chance (JO WALKS OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF THE KITCHEN STALL, FRED WALKS QUICKLY WITH HER.) Jo: D’yer like ‘his? (POINTS TO AN EXPRESSO MACHINE WITH A VERY CHEAP PRICE TAG) Fred: (THINKING) Ain’t we got wun awredy? Jo: (WITH A SLIGHTLY PATRONISING TONE) Nah luv’ (LIFTS HER HAND UP AS IF TO SLAP FRED BUT FLIPS HER HAND DOWN BEFORE HE IS TOUCHED) ‘hat’s a ca’achino machine. Fred: Same fing innit? Jo: (CONTINUES HER PATRONISING WITH TOUCH OF ‘TEACHER EXPLAINS’ TONE) No i’s not, ca’achino fer a’big cups n’ a’ekpresso fer a’litawl wuns. Mix a’too n’ yer get in a right pik’awl, dontcha? Fred: (TOTALLY CONFUSED) Gawd knows, wish I was at ‘ome (SULKING) Jo: (DELIVERED IN A CONCILIATORY TONE) Yer didn’t ‘ave t’cum, I’culd’ve gotta lif’ from Molly. Fred: (AMAZED) Wewll why didn’t yer? Jo: (DELIVERED WITH A TOUCH OF ADMONISHMENT) Wish I ‘ad naw, what wiv yur moaning, I’m fed up wiv it. Fred: (HE DOESN’T HEAR HIS WIFE’S WORD, HE MAKES A BEELINE FOR THE DVD STALL WHICH HAS TAKEN HIS INTEREST) ‘Ello mate, got a nice lot ‘ere (gestures to all the DVDs lined up) DVD Seller:A YOUNG MAN IN HIS EARLY TWENTIES, DRESSED IN TIMBERLAND CASUAL WEAR. HE IS MEDIUM HEIGHT, QUITE GOOD LOOKING, WITH BLOND HAIR AND A HOME COUNTIES, RELATIVELY WELL SPOKEN ENGLISH. HE IS QUITE NEW TO SELLING, BUT HE’S ALSO GREEDY. (EYES UP FRED WARILY AT FIRST THEN SMILES) Yes, not a bad line up. What are you into: thriller, horror, romcom? Fred: (LOOKING DOWN AT THE DVDS LINED UP AND REPLIES TO THE SELLER) I like a good friller, wife like ‘his roman’ic crap (LIFTS UP DVD ‘ALWAYS’) She like a good blub… DVD Seller: (WATCHES FRED, NODS LISTENING AND SELECTS A DVD) Got a really good film here (HANDS IT TO FRED) Fred: (TAKES THE DVD AND LOOKS AT IT, THEN LOOKS BACK TO THE DVD FOR MORE EXPLANATION) Mister and Missus Smif? DVD Seller: (NODS AND SMILES ENCOURAGINGLY) good fun, lots of action, ideal nights in entertainment. Fred: Gawd (SHAKING HIS HEAD) yer soun’ like a bleedin’ comm’ercial. (LOOKS AROUND TO SEE JO CHATTING TO MOLLY AT THE MAGAZINE AND BOOK STALL, TURNS BACK TO THE SELLER, LOOKING A BIT EDGY) ‘Ere yer got anyfing a bit more…current? DVD Seller: (LOOKS AROUND, NODS AND DIVES INTO THE BACK OF HIS CAR THAT IS POSITIONED DIRECTLY BEHIND HIS STALL, OPENS A BOX, AND PULLS OUT A DVD AND HANDS IT TO FRED) This current enough for you (THE DVD IS ‘THE BREAK UP’). Fred: (STARES AMAZED AT THE DVD, FRED KNOWS THAT THE FILM ONLY OPENED AT THE ODEON A WEEK BEFORE) Gawd ‘hat’s current awright, let me as’ a’wife. Got any frillers while yer at it? DVD Seller: Oh yes! (DIVES BACK INTO THE BOX AT THE BACK OF HIS CAR AND PULLS OUT ANOTHER DVD AND HANDS IT TO FRED) Here’s one I think you’ll like. Sort out Saw meets Speed. Fred: (TAKES DVD ) Crank! (TURNS THE COVER OVER AND SEES SOME GRATUITOUS SCENES) Bit vi’len’ innit. Is it good? DVD Seller: It’s very good, but if that isn’t… up your street, how about this (HANDS FRED ‘MIAMI VICE’ DVD) Fred: (TAKES THE DVD) Nah! Can’t stan’ ‘hat ponce in the pastels. Wife might like it though, awaways ‘ad a fing for ‘hat blond bloke. ‘Ow much? DVD Seller: ten pounds (HOLDING HIS HAND OUT FOR THE MONEY) Fred: Not bad (RETURNS THE DVD TO THE SELLERS OPEN HAND), let me as’ a wife. Won’t be long (FRED WALKS AWAY FROM THE SELLER IN THE DIRECTION OF JO, ALL THE TIME WATCHING THE SELLER WHO IS LOOKING THE OTHER WAY, TALKING TO ANOTHER PERSON WHO HAS COME UP TO THE STALL LOOKING FOR CHEAP DVDS.) ‘Ello luv’, listen, du me a favvor, keep ‘hat bloke talkin’ over ‘here by the DVD stawll. I’ve gotta make a cawll. Jo: Ow Fred (LOOKS FED UP) i’s yur bloody day off. Gawd, give it a rest. Yer never switch ouff! Fred: (SHAKES HIS HEAD LOOKING STONILY) Nefer do ‘hey, i’s jus’ a cawll, cum on luv’? (SHOOTS A PLEADING LOOK AT JO). Jo: Naw I know why yer wan’ed ta cum. Fred: I didn’t know abaat ‘his. ‘Onest ! Jo: (LOOKS RESIGNED TO THE TASK FRED HAS ASKED HER TO PERFORM) Awright ‘hen (LEAVES FRED AND HURRIES IN THE DIRECTION OF THE DVD SELLER). Fred: Fanks luv’ (FRED WAITS UNTIL JO HAS LAUNCHED INTO A CONVERSATION WITH THE DVD SELLER, THEN HE DIGS INTO HIS POCKET, TAKES OUT HIS PHONE AND PRESSES THE SPEED DIAL.) Phiwll, i’s Fred, we ‘ave a live wun, Graavesen’, behin’ a Coach n’Orses, near ‘Omemead flats. Bes’ be quick. Don’t want the bugger scarp’ring. (FRED RINGS OFF AND WALKS BACK TO THE DVD STALL. HE DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT JO IS HIS WIFE. HE THUMBS THROUGH THE DVDS, NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THE SELLER, WHILE HE LISTENS TO HIS WIFE’S CONVERSATION WITH THE SELLER.) Jo: ‘Ave yer got a’Da Vinchi wun? DVD Seller: (TWISTS ROUND AND PULLS OUT A DVD FROM THE CAR BOOT) Yes, here it is. (HANDS THE DVD TO JO). Jo: (POINTING TO TOM HANKS FACE ON THE COVER) I like ‘im, nice bloke, ‘e looks a bit like Mary’s first, d’yer know Mary Cooper, lives daan Nor’fleet waay? DVD Seller: (CONFUSED VOICE AND EXPRESSION) No I don’t. Jo: No, ‘course yer don’, baat anyway, ‘e looks like ‘im. DVD Seller: (STILL CONFUSED) Who? Jo: (IRRITATED) Bobby Fiwllpott. DVD Seller: (CONFOUNDED BEYOND IMAGINATION) Who’s Bobby Philpott? Jo: (LOOKS ANNOYED AT SHE HAS BEEN IGNORED) Mary’s firs’ bawn, yer know, look like Tom Crews in a’ Da Vinchi fing. ‘E’s a paint’er. DVD Seller: (NOW AT A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND, SCREWS UP HIS FACE TOTALLY CONFUSED) Who’s a painter? Jo: Da Vinchi, of cawse, don’ yer know yer classics. Gawd awmighty, yer kids, n’ y’being in a’biz too (GESTURING TO THE DVDS). DVD Seller: (TRIES TO GET BACK ON TO SOME KIND OF NORMALITY EXPLAINS BUT A STILL PAINFUL EXPRESSION) But Tom Cruise isn’t in the Da Vinci Code. Jo: (INDIGNANT) ‘E is! I’ve seen ‘is picture awll over, lookin’ awll swarve and seksee, luv’ ‘im! DVD Seller: (TIRED WITH HAVING TO DEAL WITH JO) He is definitely NOT in Da Vinci Jo: (TOTALLY ADAMANT) ‘E ‘is. DVD Seller: Look (TAKES OUT A DVD OF MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 AND PICKS UP THE DA VINCI CODE DVD, HOLDS THEM IN EACH HAND IN FRONT OF JO. PUSHES FORWARD THE DA VINCI CODE) This is Tom Hanks, he is in the Da Vinci Code and (PUSHES FORWARD MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3) this is Tom Cruise, he is in Mission Impossible 3. (EXASPERATED) Can you see the difference?? Jo: (LOOKS FROM EACH DVD AND THEN SHAKES HER HEAD) Bobby doesn’t look like eevver wun, he’s more like ‘im (POINTS TO 24 DVD) Keef Sunderlan’ DVD Seller: (LOSING THE WILL TO LIVE) You mean Kiefer Sutherland. Jo: (NODS HER HEAD AND AGREES ) Yeah, ‘hat’s ‘im, luvly boy, good at mafs. DVD Seller: (CONFUSED AGAIN) Who? Kiefer Sutherland?? Jo: Nah! Bobby Fiwllpott. DVD Seller: (ANNOYED) Are you going to buy that? (POINTS TO THE 24 DVD THAT JO HAS IN HER HAND) Jo: Might du, jus’ lookin’. Fred: (PICKS UP THE PIRATES OF CARIBBEAN DVD AND LOOKS OVER TO THE SELLER) ‘His good? ‘Ow much? DVD Seller: (NODS PLEASED THAT HE’S GOT A DISTRACTION FROM THE NUTTY WOMEN AND FAMILY) It’s really good, and it’s only ten pounds (THE DVD SELLER SHOOTS A LOOK AT FRED THAT SCREAMS ‘PLEASE, BUY SOMETHING’). Fred: Rearl’ley not bad (SEES A CAR PULL INTO THE CAR PARK AND PARK, HIS COLLEAGUE PHIL GETS OUT AND WALKS OVER TO THE DVD SELLER.) Phil: PHIL IS SMARTLY DRESSED IN AN EXPENSIVE LEATHER JACKET AND DESIGNER JEANS. HE IS FORTY TWO, TALL, DARK GOODLOOKING, WITH A LITTLE STUBBLE THAT MAKES HIM LOOK ‘RICH ROUGH’. HE SPEAKS WITH A LONDON ACCENT, BUT NOT SO COCKNEY AS FRED AND JO. (SMILES CONGENIALLY AT THE SELLER) ‘Ello, (PICKS UP SOME DVDS). DVD Seller: Hi there, wanting to catch something for tonight? (THE SELLER WEIGHS UP THE NEW PUNTER, HE KNOWS HE HAS MONEY, AND THE SELLER IMMEDIATELY STARTS TO MAKE A SELECTION OF DVDS FOR PHIL. BY NOW, HE IS DESPERATE TO MAKE A SALE.) Phil: (SMILES WRYLY) In a manna of speakin’ Fred: (WALKS QUICKLY ROUND THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DVD STALL AND MANOEUVRES HIMSELF BETWEEN THE SELLER AND HIS CAR) DVD Seller: (LOOKS ROUND AT FRED’S NEW POSITION) Excuse me, you’re not suppose to…(HE THEN LOOKS ROUND AT PHIL, THEN BACK AT FRED AND REALISES THAT HE’S GOT TO MAKE A MOVE. HE DROPS THE DVDS AND TRIES TO RUN, BUT FRED GRABS HIM TIGHTLY) Fred: Ever ‘eard of the Federation Against Copyright Theft? DVD Seller: (LOOKING TOTALLY DEJECTED) Ah! FUCK ! Fred: Nah! FACT ! Phil: An’ yer nicked mate! (PHIL TAKES OUT THE HAND CUFFS AND SLIPS THEM AROUND THE DVD SELLER’S WRIST.) Jo: (JO WALKS OVER SMILING, AS THE DVD SELLER LOOKS AGHAST AT HER COMPLICITY IN THE STING, SLIPPING HER ARM THROUGH FRED’S ARM SHE CUDDLES HIM) ‘Ere yar, told yer, yer’d fin’ some’ink ta pick up. Looks like yer nabbed a good ‘un! (FRED SMILES IN RECOGNITION. IN THE BACKGROUND THE DVD SELLER IS LED AWAY BY PHIL). Note: Copyright theft may not seem a major crime, but it accounts for £800 million in terms of the loss of cannibalised sales and has been linked to other organised crime such as extortion, drugs and prostitution. Most people think that copyright theft and piracy only affect the big studio and the film stars paid in millions of pounds, but if the industry has less money, there will be less films made and that will ultimately affect thousands of people in all areas of film production and distribution. We’ll all lose out in the end…It’s a sobering thought!
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