Pick away.
Silk
The silk threads of time
Pull her down
With the weight
Of a thousand wakeful nights.
The silk threads of time
Clog her veins
With the sediment
Fading dreams.
The silk threads of time
Curl her hands and stiffen her limbs
With the burden
Of repeated unthanked tasks.
The silk threads of time
Dim her sight
With the silt
Of a life that’s lived.
The silk threads of time
Wrap her frame and
Squeeze out the remains;
Love,
Sadness,
Regret,
Remorse.
And last and least,
Life.
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I'm truly moved...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
Filled with sadness and stark beauty. We've all lost loved ones and feel that they perhaps had a hard time of it here on earth. Is this about a Grandmother, Mother, Aunt? You don't have to say - I perhaps should not pry.
A few mixed up metaphors - "the silk threads of time, dim her sight, with the silt..."
I can't quite make the "silk threads" to "silt" leap.
The last stanza is brilliant. "And last and least, Life". It speaks to me of the resignation, acceptance, reconciliation we hope will visit us before death.
I'm happy to pick (Phil for the most improved poet of the month!).
Oli
|
Wonderful
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
Ok i just wrote my review and then relised i basically repeated everything Oli said, so....ditto!
'silt' and 'sediment' were an odd choice however they were brave and i thought worked well. I didn't connect them with the silk, so much as what she has left behind or been left with.
The imagery in this was quite wonderful. The poem had a very 'silky' flow to it also.
A very moving piece, clearly inspired by a loved one.
As always Phil, greatly enjoyed it. |
Written by Phil (6846 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
Thanks Oli and Gill. Much appreciated. Take your point about sediment and silt. I get ideas in my head and don't necessarily connect them with the one that's gone before.
Thanks
Phil. |
Silk
Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
Just a line to endorse what has been (well) said by Oli and Gill.
I don't necessarily see the poem about a yet departed. About someone metaphorically sacrificing themself, sure, but maybe still ongoing?
Anyway, many thanks, Phil, for a thought provoking read superbly crafted.
Mike |
time...
Written by isobel* (26 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
what strikes me the most about this poem is the repetetive use of the word 'time'.
...and i like this, how the rest of the writing unfolds from the starting point of this statement - and it illustrates the invisibility of time, yet aknowledges its powerful, accumulative effects.
i don't have a problem with silt, it works well, to me, set beneath the word 'sight', and further back, 'sediment'.
the silt of a life that's lived makes complete sense to me, and does not strike me as out of place.
the poem works well in my own opinion, it has feeling, well realised imagery, and closes beautifully.
 isobel |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 4th September 2006 |
Wonderful, there's a very wistful feel to this poem that I love. I wonder whether thankless would read better than unthanked? I also find myself wanting to put 'of' into the last line of the second stanza, not enitrely sure why...The last stanza is outstanding.
Elli |
great writing
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 4th September 2006 |
| so different to your other writing. delicate yet enormously powerful. best regards leo. |
excellent
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 5th September 2006 |
loved it!! it was dark and beautiful. particularly liked the last stanza.
keep writing!
-rilLie
0_o |
great writing
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 10th September 2006 |
I loved the repition of 'The silk threads of time'. & the change in format at the end really gave the poem thta something 'extra'.
Its one of those poems that you wish you had wrote yourself!
well done
brook |
Wonderful
Written by AeoAsivich (3 comments posted) 13th October 2006 |
| I'm truly moved by this. One of the best poem I've read on here. I will bookmark it and read it again and again. Wow. |
HI Phil
Written by jean.day (2330 comments posted) 14th October 2006 |
I too loved this poem, and can only agree with the numerous reviews you have already have. I used to avoid the poetry slot, and now I am finding such a wealth of good writing on it that I have changed my mind about it.
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Written by Phil (6846 comments posted) 14th October 2006 |
Thanks Aeo and Jean. It's nice to now that some of what you post is enjoyed by others and that it is still read a while after it has been posted.
Phil. |
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