These are my first two poetry uploads; one humerous, the other an observation.
Here is the observation: Kite dog.
Thanks for reading:)
The wind howls like a mad hound
And lifts the small dog on a leash like a balloon
The small dog begins to paw at the air
In pursuit of an explanation
For this sudden absence of gravity
Its owner does something odd –
He stops in the centre of the road
And surrenders his pooch to the elements
Just like that -
And the small dog floats up like a kite
Its tongue lolling out
Legs pedalling an invisible bicycle in reverse
--------------------
Harsh sunlight strikes the roof of a distant car;
A girl with glasses and several plastic bags
Topples against the gale like a punch drunk marionette -
She is trying to gain control of the bags
Steering them like they might be wild dogs themselves
She spots the kite-dog in the clouds above
And pulls on her own plastic hounds
As if to persuade them against a similar fate
--------------------
The wind has an angry voice –
It screams into the hairstyles of passers by
Making a mockery of symmetry
Sucking their lungs dry
The man who let go of his dog
Is attempting to light up a cigarette;
He tries to seal the cigarette from the wind
By cupping his hands around it
But it’s no use –
The kite dog becomes a faint speck on the horizon now.
--------------------
A young couple, blown with happiness and love
Are aware of the spectacle;
The man and his smokeless cigarette,
The girl and her charge-of-the-light-brigade bags,
And the kite-dog up on high…
And the kite-dog, blown back for a second,
Returns to view, treading the wind like water,
So dangerously close to the steeple tip
Of the slanted spire at St. Pat’s -
The spire seems to be leaning towards the dog –
Points an unsteady, questioning finger at it
The young couple shake a gale of laughter into the wind;
The wind doesn’t notice, but it applauds them in its own way
By tossing their happiness around
The wind, like a mad hound.
|
Written by Phil (7009 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
Despite myself, I like this.
Perhaps you could explain: Are we to literally believe a dog, no matter how small, is being blown up in the wind? Or, is it a metaphor for something else that I am too blind or stupid to see?
I liked the snap-shots, like a changing camera. I liked the summary in the last section.
Sorry if I've missed something really basic here.
Phil. |
Written by chic_leo (15 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
I enjoyed this poem for its use of language and imagery, but I have to admit I'm a little bewildered...I can imagine ways in which the poem could have political or sociological connotations, but I'm not sure whether this was your intention, or whether I'm over-complicating the meaning of a wonderful observation. In someways, I'm happy not knowing, and having this mystery to contemplate.
Perhaps your intention was simply to make us think? |
again, great!
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
having just read your other poem i came straight to read this one. I know nothing about poetry. I read ALOT of it however as i love it, and tend to have quite strong reactions to it.
That said, i think you have oodles of talent. This was beautifully written. I actually took the poem quite literally, as a bit of fun? Although reading the others reviews now perhaps i have missed something also. I also am happy not knowing, i like the art of subjectivity. Perhaps i'll give it another go and see what else i can draw from it....... |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
hm...randomness of events? all things inexplicable? lack of control one really does have in ones own life?
Actually this poem could be a metaphor for all these things and many more in my opinion. Really got me thinking now! 
p.s- loved it just as much the second time around. |
no metaphor...
Written by isobel* (26 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
thankyou for replies
I have to say that the poem was not metaphorical or laced with any deeper meaning (as most of my other unshared work often is) - it was the result of a small experiment, of sorts, in which i allowed my mind to wander.....to doodle, much in the same way as what we might do with a pen and paper whilst gazing off out of the window.
It was a very windy afternoon, a man was walking a dog in the street outside.
From this, and the ferocity of the gale that almost lifted the small doggie off the ground, i just elaborated, whimsically if anything.
take care, and thanks,
isobel x |
Written by shadowplay (41 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
You have a tremendous talent for making it look as if you haven't tried at all. I noticed it in the other poem you recently posted- it looks, at first glance, scatty, everywhere. Yet reading through, it is like a carefully concerted symphony... the strings come in, with deft and imaginative metaphors... the whole poem is in ether. It's a long while since I've seen blank space utilised so successfully.
But the above is not what first struck me. The parts you have divided it into gave me my most preliminary impression- it is as if you have drawn a thick ink line with each one to enclose the incident of the dog being blown away, and then dashed a bold squiggle through it and that's your narrative, looping and threading between the four. None of them, not even the last, give us the full picture- some even seem as though they're recounting the same things.
Basically... I just love it. I'm sorry, but when it's this good I can't do critique. And I thought I was good at being cynical and scathing. |
speechless...:)
Written by isobel* (26 comments posted) 3rd September 2006 |
thankyou, shadowplay; i certainly didn't expect such a positive response with this work!
yes, my stuff can ramble and wind about all over the place, and this is probably due to me never really planning what i write (likely a huge mistake!), but i tend to discard those that don't eventually hold together.
This one, for my efforts, did hang together somewhat...im still sort of unsure
i like the way you describe the writing in terms of a symphony, 'dashed a bold squiggle through it', looping and threading, etc. This is what i feel when i write, or at least what i seek to achieve.
so much appreciated, thanks *_* |
Written by Arandom (14 comments posted) 6th September 2006 |
| Very much enjoyed. Sounds like a dream I might once have had. Don't know what charge-of-the-light-brigade bags are or means, and don't quite get the end, but am a supporter of doodling words with dreamy feel and no "clever" intent hiding smugly. |
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