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Poetry
You are not alone
By dakota
04 September 2006
This is my first piece of work on here and I'd really appreciate honest reviews - thank you Smile

Standing strong,
Defences at the ready,
You're an island.

Advancing visitors
Navigate the surrounding rocks,
Searching for a berth.

Suspicious of company
Tendering Love,
You raise your drawbridge.

Scarred and sturdy,
Telling tales of old battles,
It deters all but the most resolute.

Battering rams,
Aiming to hammer home pain,
Have only strengthened your outer walls.

It's your foundations
That have taken the strain,
Your underpinning left vulnerable.

As the stormy seas
Grind at your ramparts,
Remember, you are not alone.

Every island needs an ally.
One to count on, offering
Staunch, steadfast support.

No atoll can withstand
A constant assault,
Even locked away from danger.

Isolation brings some comfort,
and with it,
Its own destruction.

Before your locks rust shut,
Consider your aim
And recognise the peril of your safety.

When you relinquish your struggles,
Lower your portcullis, and,
Remember, you are not alone.


Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3369 comments posted) 4th September 2006
More metaphors there than you could shake a stick at 
An interesting piece which allows the reader to take from it what they want. A cleverly written poem 
cheers 
BBS

Written by isobel* (26 comments posted) 4th September 2006
this is a wonderfully profound piece of writing, it moved me to read, and i identify with so many of the lines in there, unfortunately. 
 
not a letter out of place, a nice sense of balance all through, and the points made with a delicate clarity. 
 
"Isolation brings some comfort, 
and with it, 
Its own destruction." 
 
.....this in particular is my favourite part of the poem, it sums up perfectly all that drives the words along. 
 
i cannot fault it one bit! :)

Written by chic_leo (15 comments posted) 5th September 2006
I agree with the other reviewers - this is great! I think isobel's already outlined the stand-out stanza, but I also liked the last two, where I could really hear the voice of comfort and reassurance coming across. 
 
Keep it up! :grin
Me too.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 5th September 2006
I enjoyed reading this. Well done! It has obviously been put together with great care. I am not totally convinced that the seige metaphor holds out to the last.I thought it getting a touch laboured by the close. But others patently disagree. Nonetheless a splendid effort. 
 
Slan!
Well done
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006
I enjoyed this, as Gerard says you have obviously put a lot of effort into this piece and it has, for the most part, paid off. I thought you maybe slightly overdid the siege metaphor, for me, it gets a tad overwhelming towards the end. Having said this, I enjoyed reading it, keep at it. 
 
Elli

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