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Poetry
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Dusty Sunlight
By JourneyAtNight
05 September 2006
Well this is my first post,  i've just tried to put into words the kind of dream that i'm sure we've all experienced at some point - unless its just me, in which case i have some serious issues. Wink

xxx



Standing on the edge of the triumphant cliff
I have nowhere to run
Inside, my heart is beating, thumping, screaming!
And I,
I stand silent, paralyzed with fear.
There is no way out.
The scornful air around me,
It forces me to fall
Wind prances around me as I plunge,
As I plunge into the darkness that lies forever below.
Faster and faster I fall
Louder my heart pounds
More and more does the cold air mock me with its merciless laughter,
Down Deeper
Deeper
Deeper…


A Soft Thud.


I open my eyes.
Before me I see a single ray of sunlight.
Glittering dust, dancing delicately
Through the crack in the curtains.

Reviews

Written by isobel* (26 comments posted) 5th September 2006
lovely transition from dark to light; i like the overall 'shape' of the poem, the energy, the image of a lone figure at the adge of a precipice, solitary and still, yet fighting with crashing anxieties beneath the surface. 
 
the 'soft thud' seems incongruous to a body having fallen from a cliff edge, yet somehow it adds to the terror, for me; it could suggest how frail, small we are in the greater scheme of things, of nature... 
 
a beautiful ending, it refuses to explain itself in the obvious way, leaving us to ponder what we have read. A perfect, delicate contrast to the earlier lines. 
 
x
It's not just you. (Unless I have serio
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 5th September 2006
(We don't get much sunlight in Bolton, I normally wake to the sound of rain.) 
 
I too liked the contrast between beginning and end. 'A soft thud' split the two halves very well for me. It's a sort of half-way house where you pause to think.  
 
Not too sure about 'triumphant cliff'. It grated a little. But that's just me. I'm sure others will take it totally differently. 
 
Enjoyed it. 
 
Phil.
Good effort...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 6th September 2006
Its a very common dream, the falling one. Must be a lack of control feeling or suchlike. I think you need to be careful with some of your description - I have problems with wind "prancing" or cliff being "triumphant". 
 
I like the alliteration in "dust, dancing delicately" though. 
 
Well done, keep it up. 
 
Oli

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006
I like the soft thud personally, when I have this kind of dream me body always jerks when I wake up and I do literally thud softly onto the bed! Have to agree with Oli both about the triumphant cliff (don't mind the prancing wind so much) and also the dust, dancing delicately. Good effort for your first post, I shall look forward to reading more from you. 
 
Well done 
 
Elli

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 10th September 2006
An interesting subject for a poem 
Your vocab expressed your meaning well but I think your form could be tidied up slightly . 
 
For example splicing the longer lines 
e.g: 
More and more does the cold air/  
mock me with its merciless laughter 
 
My favourite line in this was: 
Glittering dust, dancing delicately  
Through the crack in the curtains. 
 
 
great writing! 
 
Brook :)

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