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By ellipinnock
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06 September 2006 |
My attempt at this month's lazy writer.
Also a slightly tongue in cheek tribute.
And I apologise to all the poets out there in advance for this fairly shabby effort! Such a shame It had to end this way. A chance meeting, Wrong place, Wrong time. For you at least. I feel. Misunderstood. For my part I wish you No harm. Startled in the dark I panic Turn Lash out. And then, What's done Is done. Please accept my sincere condolences. Next time I will be More careful. Or at least Aim better. 'Til then, My humblest apologies To you Naturalist God divine, Steve Irvine. |
Dont worry Elli...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 6th September 2006 | Fish have a notoriously short memory - he'll have forgotten the entire incident.
Oli |
Written by chic_leo (15 comments posted) 6th September 2006 | Oli's right of course, but this is still a light hearted, touching concept. I liked the way the emotions were expressed simply, in a way that suits the subject, and the final rhyme makes a beautifully sad and gentle end to the poem, on second reading at least, though the twist amused me first.
Just one suggestion: in the second half of the poem, "apologies" is used twice - I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, and equally unsure about whether it works. Perhaps that's just the way I read it...my instinct is to change the first use of it to something else...I'm stuck as to what though, so maybe it's better as it is.
I enjoyed this a lot though - well done!  | Thanks guys
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th September 2006 | Oli-
Admittedly have taken a little poetic license with the fish memory thing...I'm sure it would, however, be devastated if it had a brain bigger than the size of a pea 
Leo-
noted and changed, better proofreading is required in future 
Thought I was stretching the rhyme slightly with the whole pronunciation thing!
Thanks to both for taking the time to comment
Elli |
Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 6th September 2006 | Simple, effective. I like straight forward verse like this. No worries about rhythm or rhyme. (I didn't object to the spelling rhyme). What you do have to worry about is flow, and this flows very well.
Liked it a lot.
I hope poor Steve had a good sense of humour!
Phil.
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Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | Slightly mortified last night to realise I've spelt the guys name wrong! 
Should be Irwin....however, i like the rhyme so i'm leaving the misspelling til i can think of a nice rhyme for irwin...suggestions anyone?
Elli | thank you.....
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 10th September 2006 | .. for your lazy writers contribution!!
It was a funny piece and I liked the fact that it was almost a story with a twist at the end!
Best wishes
Brook |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 11th September 2006 | Cheers Brook. Just fancied a lil quasi-narrative poetry. I'll have a read of your latest pome soon.
All the best
Elli |
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