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Autumn Haikus

By patterjack

07 September 2006

Setting exercises in various forms of poems for students to try their hand at them really turned me off Haikus as a form. Unless one follows the spiritual rules in their writing , or if one relies instead on mere 5 , 7 , 5 syllable counting , the results are often either dull or pretentious .

Here are some of my own pretentious dullnesses written as part of the class exercises.

They are the Autumn sequence from a block based on the seasons . Each season had 5 haikus devoted to it under the group's overall heading of Love the Magician-- some twenty -one haikus in all :

a. season and colour

b. animal sound or movement

c. The Bell-- a special image for me

d. Nature or stars or sky

e. Personal love

I would not have put them up , but for the Lazy Writers segment giving a title -- and here was a perfect chance to be lazy and use something from the far past

Autumn Haikus
a.
Perfection wavers.
Gold has begun to tarnish.
Autumn is passing .
b.
Engulfing machines
stretch wide mechanical maws;
swallow the harvest.
c.
Dry tinklings of leaves
haphazardly falling, drown
Autumn’s untuned bell.
d.
Dipping and swaying
moving like tongues of gold flame
trees bend with the wind.
e.
The carpet of leaves
dying in silence , deadens
the passing of love.

Reviews

Ah
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006

A lazy, lazy writers entry, how fitting! I quite like the odd haiku; short, sweet and to the point. I think d is my favourite out of this set, I love the image. Tho it does remind me that summer is on the way out (over here at least!) :cry

Elli

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 7th September 2006

Haikus are really not my thing, but I liked C, particularly line 3.

Still struggling for September lazy writer. Too busy to be lazy at the moment!

Phil.

Studying poetry form
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 9th September 2006

I know they have to study style and form in connection with poetry, but we never did. Perhaps we should have done so, but I sometimes think that when things are dissected, they are not fun any more. I don't know if others think this. It was the same with Shakespeare. It was never meant to be dissected, but just enjoyed. Your above attempt was good though - but it is not my style, obviously. ha ha

Haiku Horay!
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 9th September 2006

I thought these 5 haikus really worked well, embracing the aspects of autumn and brought the new season into focus for me.

They encapsulated the colours, the sounds, the movements we come to expect from Autumn.

Really good Brian, I thoroughly enjoyed reading these.

Well done...

best wishes

mish x

thank you......
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 10th September 2006

for your lazy writers contribution.

I must say that i Haiku's are not my favourite form of poetry but I really enjoyed this set.
There were several beautiful lines in there:

Gold has begun to tarnish
haphazardly falling
moving like tongues of gold flame
The carpet of leaves

i especially liked the repetition of the colour of gold as it really symbolised autumn for me & i also enjoyed the way that the poem moved through the beginning to the end of autumn.

well done

brook

reviewing patterjack
Written by patterjack (1196 comments posted) 12th September 2006

I trust that is permissible ? You are all more flattering than I !

Thank you -- but here is my own review .

cliche collector
wearing out phrases and words
writer of haikus .

patterjack

New to haikus
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 10th October 2006

But I like all of these. Especially B.

Remind me of some little poems I read by Duncan Glen. I sold the book when I was even harder up than now!

Oli :cry

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