This piece is dedicated to my little brother Sam, 13, who has Down's syndrome. I have tried to be completely honest with this piece but so often I can't find the right words.
I have listened, in the past, to relatives of individuals with Downs describing it as a gift, a wonderful thing and suchlike. This makes me mad as hell. I don't love Sam any less because he's different and I'd fight to the death for his rights and opportunities. However, given the chance to take that extra chromosome away there's almost nothing I wouldn't do. This poem is an attempt to try and rationalise a set of feelings so complex I feel I am almost certainly doomed ot fail on some level.
Apologies for the long intro but I think the background is needed. Proud To have that bit Extra. Proud to be me. Emblazoned on a badge to wear. So Why feel this grief For What cannot be? What is not and will not be. Am I selfish to Want Him to be free? Is he not already free? He Confuses me With His acceptance He does not know better Should I let it go? Fly Free from the pain. Can the shackles be released? I Do not know if I Can answer this I will go on trying Until my dying breath No-one knows what I would do To take that extra bit away. |
moving
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | Your introduction moved me to read this as i am with you whole heartedly. Having worked with 'special needs' children i hate how they are patronised in this way. Someone once told me children with downs are put here on purpose to make our lives better, like they were some sort of oracle. I had to bite my lip 'til it bled.
I dont' think you can understand these subjects as an outsider. I can't. Your family can though.
Anyway as far as the poem goes i think you have been very articulate. I don't know much about poetry but i liked the structure too, and although it felt a little dis-jointed, and it wasn't a 'beautiful' poem to me this just, symbolically, added a bit 'extra' and portrayed the akwardness often displayed in discussion of such a subject.
I liked the rhetorical questioning as well, i felt like you were having your say with out preaching.
The ending was very moving.
You certainly did not fail, but your emotions were raw in writing this i could tell. Maybe now you'e written it you can get a clearer picture of what you want to say and how.
Well done Elli  |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | Thanks Gill. An ugly poem for an ugle subject I guess, ah the absurdity of trying to explain the inexplicable! I think I will revisit this one day but it needs a little time I think. This was certainly one of the hardest pieces I have ever written.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment
Elli | Powerful emotions, big questions!
Written by Talisker (1320 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | My mother was a teacher of special needs children - some with Downs, many others profoundly handicapped. I remember once when I was a kid, perhaps she had had a particularly difficult day, I was moaning on about having a small wart on my hand, like the selfish kid that I was (and still am!) and she EXPLODED at me. It was a lesson I never forgot, none of us are perfect, but we tend to take our blessings for granted. I don't know if this is relevant.
Anyway, Sam can be proud of you. You only wish him "better" (I hesitate to use that term) because you unconditionaly love him. You feel far more keenly that he ever will, the unfairness of his condition.
I think you will address these issues many times. You need to. Its a cathartic poem. There are emotions which you must get out. But they hurt. You are a very brave person for trying to deal with them honestly.
Oli
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Written by Arandom (14 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | | To articulate such complicated brave confusion is a feat. As is to even attempt doing so. Congrats | Cheers
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | Oli-
you're right, this was a somewhat cathartic experience for me-someday i'll find the right words. I know what you mean about 'better', again so difficult to find the right expression.
Thanks to both for your kind comments, much appreciated.
Elli | Proud
Written by Josie (2722 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | | I think that Sam is also proud to have you in his life for with families with children who are normal, they do not always appreciate each other. I am also proud to have a friend who has a son with Downs syndrome. She has worked so hard with him and he loves her dearly. He is a leading light in our young people's theatre group, and has gone on to theatrical school. He is a son to be proud of, battling on in life, and I'm sure your brother is too. It was excellent writing also - so you also should be proud of this too. |
Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 7th September 2006 | This piece shows a love and devotion for another human being and the angst, complications and confusion that always seem to come with it.
I can't understand from the outside, and your poem shows the confusion for one who looks on from very close.
As has been said, this was not a beautiful poem, but it expressed clearly in form, choice of words and content, your devotion and love. I hope none of this sounds patronising as it is certainly not meant to be. A brave and moving piece. Writing about what is most important to us in an open and honest way, as you have, is the most difficult thing of all.
All the best, Phil.
| Ta
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 8th September 2006 | Thanks Josie and Phil for your comments, they are much appreciated. Glad this has provoked comment.
Phil- Not patronising at all, just honest opinion for which I thank you.
Elli |
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