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Poetry
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Two bloodsheds
By Talisker
08 September 2006
Juxtaposition.  Nothing else.

Oli


A camera pans the minarets,
A muezzin calls the faithful,
Arabic text in gold,
All jagged and sword-like,
Underlines the scene.
 

The room is featureless,
The faces hidden,
The participants stand,
In mock religious pose,
The lamb kneeling.
 

A proclamation is made,
To justify the bloodshed,
As if in celebration,
Triumphal music,
Incongruous, sickening.
 

A hospital waiting room,
Filled with smiling faces,
A nurse calls the donor,
An arm willingly proffered,
Voices soft, reassuring.
 

A selfless act completed,
The bloodshed is justified,
As if in celebration
A Tunnock’s Tea Cake,
And hot, sweet tea.
 

 

Oli.

Reviews
Utter rubbish!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 8th September 2006
I hate this so much already. I wish I hadn't written it. I think I should delete it, its worse than poor - ill conceived and offensive. A stab at a dragon with a cocktail stick. 
 
Sad Oli :cry

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 8th September 2006
i wouldn't say it was utter rubbish - there's feeling behind it definitely, it flows well and i like how the last two lines add a totally different edge. 
I agree that it could be offensive however. I think maybe you were a bit confused writing this, and you probably have to reconsider your concepts, i think your anger and disgust towards what it is you are writing about has made you prone to generalisation, - but then maybe i'm just biased! 
Apart from that, its strong stuff!  
 
 
E xxx
still here
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3449 comments posted) 9th September 2006
You can't hate it that much it's still here. Are we supposed to rally round and tell you it's wonderful? 
A difficult subject, a brave stab at it (albeit with a cocktail stick) 
BBS

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 9th September 2006
Could be deemed offensive, but it doesn't read like you had that in mind, just an observation of two contrasting acts. Having said that, taken in isolation, writing like this is likely to upset someone; that doesn't mean it shouldn't be written.  
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
On reflection...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 9th September 2006
I still don't like it. But it feels rude to delete it now that people have taken the time to comment. 
 
BBS - no, I was afraid someone might think I was seeking reassurance - but I really wasn't. 
 
The smelly genie is out of the bottle, can't be put back now. Move on... 
 
Oli
Misplaced Hate
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 9th September 2006
Come Talisker, you shouldn't hate this, it has an inner energy that is bursting out and can't be ignored. It is controversial, mind you, most of what you write is...and it's usually good. This is no exception. 
 
Don't dump it... 
 
best wishes 
 
mish x

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