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Shorts
Chance encounter
By Gill21
08 September 2006
This is my contribution to 'lazy writers' this month. It's actually based on something that happened in my Dad's family. The 'auld scots' is a bit rough but i tried to think back to how my great grandparents spoke. You'll get the idea i'm sure. Just a simple wee story.
Comments appreciated!


Alison sat down on the ground, her legs dangling over the water and shielded her eyes with her hand, to look out across the lock. She had lived in the city her entire life so this holiday to the country was a special treat. Except it wasn’t really a holiday. She had travelled up on the train from Glasgow with her fiancé. His family had a holiday house here and they were spending the week together to become ‘acquainted’. Alison adored the family already but a simple day with her own was taxing. She had excused herself after lunch to come out, and get some fresh air.

‘Hello Lass.’

Alison turned her head and saw an amiable man sauntering towards her. His voice was loud and brusque but his face shone with kindness. A navy cap covered his white hair and his beard was long. His skin was brown and leathered.  A thought suddenly occurred to her.

‘Afternoon, sorry am I not allowed to sit here?’ she made to get up.

‘Havers! Ye just sit there an take a load off.’

‘Are you sure?’ she asked as he made his way towards a big wooden handle.

‘Aye.’

She smiled back at the man and settled. A yacht was slowly swimming down the canal towards them. It was big and blue with gold lettering on it. Children in little swimsuits were playing behind their father on the deck. She smiled and waved as they past, their happy shouts of glee hanging in the air.

‘That boat must have cost a bit. It looked almost Royal.’ Alison said in awe of seeing her first boat so close up.

‘Aye but that’s nothing. The Bloodhound came through just a week or so back.’

Alison’s eyes widened in amazement. The man chuckled and held out his hand.

‘I’m Bill.’

Alison shook it. ‘Alison, pleased to meet you.’

Bill indicated to her that he would be back in a moment, and when he did sat down beside her, a sandwich in his hand. He offered out half to her. She declined politely.

‘First time tae Dunadry?’ Bill chomped down heartily on his bread.

‘To Argyll actually. I’ve lived in Glasgow since I was a baby.’

‘Oh aye, where boot?’

‘Merrylee area.’

‘Aye I know it.’ Bill nodded his large head, Alison smiled in acknowledgement.

Bill had almost finished his sandwich. Alison heard a phone ring off somewhere to the right.

‘That’ll be fur me. Gets awfu lonely doon here in the day, could dae wi some company. Why don’t ye come doon fur a brew the morrow?’

Alison looked at the man and thought this an odd request. They didn’t even know each other, but maybe this was how things were done up this way. He seemed very friendly.

‘Ok thank you.’ Bill got up and began trotting towards the ringing. Alison brushed down her trousers.

‘Remember lock thirteen!’ he shouted back to her. As she walked away she heard him greet the person on the phone, loudly.

‘Alright Tam! How many an how long?’

*

 Over the next few days Alison took every opportunity she could to go down to the Lock and see Bill. Calum (her fiancé) had assured her that Bill was harmless and had been working and living on that lock with his family for years. He used to help him out in the summer and got a shilling for a days work.

It was Friday now and the day before they were due to leave. Bill had invited the whole family down for a special lunch at his (after declining to come to the but and ben. He couldn’t leave the lock unattended of course).

Alison set off early, a basket in hand filled with homemade bread and cakes. The weather was dreich. Everyone else would be along shortly, as there had been an incident with Grandad and an empty bottle of whisky. She approached his front door and knocked.

‘Bill its Alison!’

He opened the door with a grin on his face. He was all red and smelled faintly of cabbage. ‘Hallo lassie, come on in. Where’s the troops?’

‘They’ll be along soon.’

Bill beckoned her inside and to a table where a bundle of old photos lay out.

‘I got oot those photos of my family tae show ye. Tae bad you’ve no had a chance to meet them. Don’t my girls look just like ye?’

Alison peered down and the tea stained photos and marvelled at how right Bill was. They do say that everyone has a twin somewhere.

‘They do.’ Alison nodded.

‘I ne’er asked ye boot yer mither and faither. Any more bairns in the family?’

‘No,’ Alison shook her head ‘it’s just me. I’m adopted actually. My mother and father couldn’t have children. My father passed away a couple of years ago.’

‘Och  am sorry tae hear tha.’ Bill placed a cup and saucer in front of her and poured hot sweet liquid into it.

‘That’s ok. We weren’t that close. I wanted to find my real family and he didn’t want me to. I just needed to know where I was from. I don’t now. I have a photo of my mother though. She died giving birth to me. I don’t know what happened to my real father.’

Bill looked up intrigued. Alison took the picture out of her purse and handed it to him.

‘She was really pretty wasn’t she?’

Bill’s eyes welled up in empathy. ‘Aye, aye.’ he whispered. ‘Aye she was a bonnie lass.’

Alison sipped at her tea and scanned her eyes over the rest of the photos. Reaching to take a biscuit another photo caught her eyes. This one was more worn looking than most and had almost gone yellow with age. Slipping it out from underneath the pile she stared.

She looked up at Bill who had his back to her now and was fussing over some pots on the stove. That couldn’t be right.

Alison reached over to where the photo of her birth mother lay. It was the same woman; the same curly dark hair, big eyes and long legs. She looked at the photo of Bill’s children.

‘Bill?’ she asked, her voice timid and shaking.

He turned around to face her. His eyes were red, his hands were trembling.

‘Aye?’

Alison stared at him closely, ‘Are you my father?’



 



 

Reviews
As it says on the tin
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 8th September 2006
Just as you say gill,a simple wee story but well told. In the hands of a lesser writer it would have have come across to cute and implausible but your straighforward style pulled it off. Iwould have liked a bit more lead in and background on the old man and I've got my suspicions he knew about her all along. 
cheers 
BBS
Hmm...
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 9th September 2006
I realy liked the descriptions and the idea behind the story, but, considering your other works I saw, I think you can do better. Your style is great and the theme is interesting, but somehow this story became predictable after: 
 
" Alison peered down and the tea stained photos and marvelled at how right Bill was. They do say that everyone has a twin somewhere." 
 
Maybe you could put in a little more suspense? Postpone the discovery a bit? 
The accent bit was nice. All to often texts become nearly unreadable if people try to write accents, but luckily you kept it as close to 'standard' English as possible, but meanwhile Scottish enough to give an idea of what Bill speaks like.

Written by Phil (7009 comments posted) 9th September 2006
Enjoyed this Gill. Simple, well structured, effective.  
 
As BBS says, this might be improved by more background. I did find myself wondering about Bill. However, you've left me thinking and wanting more, which surely means success.  
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Thanks
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 9th September 2006
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and review. 
BBS, Fled and Phil- you all have given me much the same advice (and compliments) so thank you very much. Bill was perhaps too ambiguous, but it felt right. When my Dad's aunt met her father he was a stranger for weeks until the day all came to light. Only then did he come alive i suppose. Anyway, i'm glad you enjoyed it!
Well written
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 9th September 2006
This was a very enjoyable read. I sensed from the title the two would know one another. This didn't detract from the journey to discovery.  
 
I thought your dialogue was excellent as well. Its very difficult to do this and keep it accessible. Sometimes its slows the reader as they try and decipher the strange phraseology, but this was perfect. great stuff. thanks Gill.
Time to get real.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 9th September 2006
At risk of making it a chorus, I too enjoyed it. Nice to see you take risks with the dialogue. Everyone can't be wrong and you, like mishmish, Leo and Phil, produce a consistenyly high competence in your posted writing. I would think of hawking it around in the real world. That is if you haven't already. 
 
Slan.
Enthralling
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 10th September 2006
Being half scottish this really caught me...Your ability with the accents is excellent and the story was delightful, after 'Specks...' it was really uplifting, and God knows...I need a bit of uplifting at the mo! 
 
Thanks for a lovely read, warm and comforting, like a big mug of cocoa. Superb! 
 
best wishes 
 
mish x
hoots!
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 10th September 2006
Thanks you three for your reviews. 
 
Leo- I am glad you enjoyed it and glad you understood it! My great grandparents passed away some time ago now but i'll never forget the way they spoke. 
 
gc- Thank you very much for the comments and em, yes well i don't think i'm quite ready for that yet, wouldn't know where to start! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my stuff though. I'm trying to work on a drama script just now (bit of a challenge) so we'll see how that goes! 
 
mish- all my family are 'teuchter's' so i was brought up listening to it. As i said above i'll never forget the way they spoke, and baked home-made scones over a fire! I am glad i was able to cheer you up. Think of raindrops and roses and whiskers..... 
 
 
Thanks everyone :)
Toots
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 10th September 2006
Part of my family hails from the Isle of Barra, so no wonder I'm a North London barrow-boy. 
 
A good easy read. 
 
Thanks for all your time and comments, 
 
Brian 
 

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 11th September 2006
I liked it very much. And I would have liked more of it. How about expanding it to 2000 words and re-posting? 
Many thanks for it. Mike

Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 11th September 2006
Thank you for your lazy writers contribution. A moving story, i loved the description at thestart and the line:as there had been an incident with Grandad and an empty bottle of whisky.  
I too echo what the others have said and that the ending could do with a bit more padding but I though you ended in an appropriate place. 
well done!! 
 
Brook

Written by ellipinnock (1795 comments posted) 11th September 2006
This was a nice gentle story, an enjoyable read with, as other have said, the potential for some extra mileage! Not a lot else to add that hasn't already been said really! Consistently good as always :)  
 
Elli
Thanks...
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 11th September 2006
Mike, Brook and Elli for your comments they are very much appreciated. I am glad you enjoyed it! i've accepted now that it was too simple and i could do better....moving on! hehe. 
 
Thanks again :)
i forgot Brian!
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 12th September 2006
Oh and Brian too! Just relaised i forgot to thank you sorry! Thanks very much for your comments :)
HI Gill
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 18th October 2006
I liked the story, and although I guessed the end, it didn't spoil it for me. And I too would like to know more. It would be fun to hear his story from this point.

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