Journey Home - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Journey Home

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Dreams by amethyst I'm Sorry by bloodange77 And When You Close Your ... by Oryxe the beginning by chocolate_puddle_duck Photograph by gutterkitty Random Perceptions of a ... by foxmulder First Love and Second Ch... by YaakovaShoshana Review of Work by awakenedmind Silver Moon: Chapter #2 by TurboWolffe black [revised] by no1butClo

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 841 guests online and 6 members online fellpony j.e.fountain lamia aaronisreal garethnash poeticcrap Phil

WHO'S ONLINE

fellpony

j.e.fountain

lamia

aaronisreal

garethnash

poeticcrap

Phil

Poetry


print friendly version
Journey Home

By JourneyAtNight

10 September 2006

Here is me taking a stab at rhyme! There's room for improvement, but nevertheless, hope its ok.
E xxx

The place that I leave
is pleasant, though slightly bland.
Curves and colour blossom only
as I approach my home land.

Each area of countryside
has a small moment to be vain
as I look out admiringly
from this swiftly moving train.

The sensual sinuosity
the eager hills, the bashful mounds,
they call to me, they beckon me
with their soft entrancing sounds.

Even under this spirited sky of grey
the radiance does not fade.
My mind absorbs the romantic setting
for dreams still to be made.

Foxgloves of purple, ferns of green
they welcome me, waving in the wind
with the heather and the honeysuckle
they are my friends, my loving kin.

The captivating scent
of the fresh forests of pine
the peeping sun, each blade of grass
causes my heart and soul to shine.

I am home, I am home
and as far as I can see
this familiar haven of beauty
will never cease to move and enchant me.

Reviews

Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 10th September 2006

I'm a sucker for writings on journeys. You've captured a real feeling for, and a closeness to, what you 'see.' The love you have for home is clearly shown in the contrast between verses 1 and 7.

I've never done a serious rhyming poem, so what I say next may have no value. I thought the rhymes were fine. On the whole they were not obtrusive or detract from the text. I thought the pulse of the first two verses a little strong. The verses following were smoother and your ideas came across better for it.

Enjoyed this,

Phil.

Please continue - - -
Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 10th September 2006

If you should ever write for children, according to the survey done by Poetry4Kids, most children prefer rhyming poetry. See: http://www.poetry4kids.com/modules.php?name=Surveys&op=results&pollID=35

It's hard to do, needs a lot of concentration and changes later, but I think it's worth trying, and you are doing very well. Now concentrate on your rhythm, and there's lots of websites which can help you. Good work. I also enjoyed your subject. I would say that as it follows my poem about the journey on the Greyhound Bus. People like travel poems and yours is good.

seductive
Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 12th April 2007

You could be talking about a lover. Agree with Phil completely

lovely, well-expressed, emotional piece

well done

clo x

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item