GARETH: Hadaway man! Ya serious? Serfia from the tills?

BILLY: Aye, honest! God, wor've fancied her for ages y'knaa. I've gorra gan pick 'er up in forty minutes..

GARETH: Ha! You've fancied for ages? So has every other blerk in the bloody supermarket come t' that man! Yer jammy sod. Serfia Cummin's eh?

BILLY: A knaa! Wo' asked 'er oot yesterday, an' I couldn't believe it when she said aye like. Wor'll be one wo' best behaviour y'knaa. I'll dee at that sweet talkin' stuff, be a reet proppa gentleman like..

GARETH: I'll want aall the details mind, full minute by minute accoont. Mind, she's a bit classy that Serfia y'knaa. Cut above is wor Serfia. [PAUSE] Do yer think she does a turn..?

ADAM WALKS BACK INTO THE HOUSE AFTER VISITING MABLE, MONIQUE IS SAT WATCHING TELLY.

MONIQUE: Where have you been? I was just aboot to send oot a bloody search party for yer Adam. Where yer been all day man? Wor've been worried sick wo' have.

ADAM: Roond at Vera's pet, seein' wor Mable. Been there all day y'knaa...

MONIQUE: So, how's the patient? I herp it's nothing trivial. Did yer pick her some flooaz?

ADAM: She's alreet, she's alreet. But listen pet, I've got some bad news like.

MONIQUE: Bad news? What bad news? What's the matter like?

ADAM: I'm sorry, but I'm gunna have tee break it off wi' yer pet. It's wor Mable y'knaa. She needs wo'. I knaa wor've been a bit selfish like, an' I'm sorry. I herp wo' haven't wrecked yer dreams of settlin' doon with wo'?

MONIQUE: I can't believe what yer sayin' Adam. Wo' thought we had summat special gannin' on h'yor..

ADAM: Aye, wo'knaa pet, but yer divven't knaa worrit were like. Them huge puppy dog eyes, them big strang shooldaz; that posh Sunderland accent... I...I... She's brerken hearted pet, I just cannat gan through with it man. Losing wo' might kill 'er y'knaa.. Aanly after I've seen how upset she is, have wo' realised just how much she means t' wo'.

MONIQUE: Well I can't pretend I'm not upset Adam. But if yer've made yer choice, I'll not stand in yer way tho' but. I'm nae marriage wrecka pet..

ADAM: [LENGTHY PAUSE] Are yer sure yer'll be alreet? I'd hate t' think of yer merpin' aroond, or doing owt daft 'cos o' this...

MONIQUE: Divven't worry aboot me man Adam. Worry aboot yersel', not me.

ADAM: Where yer gonna stay? If yer need a place t' stay like, there's a mate o' mine wo' can ask. He's a canny feller like. Aanly got one leg mind, but other than that he's quite normal really...

SOFIA: Well, I must admit I enjoyed that very much. What did the call that last one again?

BILLY: It's called Rergan Josh pet. Bit spicy eh?

SOFIA: Aye, not tee spicy mind, just enough to tingle wo' tongue.

BILLY: Yer must 'ave an asbetos gob pet! My mooths nearly on fire.. [CHUCKLE]

SOFIA: I herp there's nae repacussions in the morning. I have to be careful wi' foreign food like, what with wo' irratable bowel syndrerm an' wo' stomach ulcaz yer knaa...

BILLY: Am sure yer'll be alreet man, just rememba to put yer bog rerl in the fridge before yer gan t' bed toneet! [BOTH GIGGLE] Beware Rergan's Revenge!

BILLY: D'yer knaa, I've nevva nerticed worra lovely pair o' eyebroos yer've got Serfia. Yer pluck 'em do ya?

SOFIA: Me sista does 'em fo' wo'. She works at that beauty salon on Sewage Works Road.

BILLY: Hadaway! Me fatha works doon there, one o' the top men doon there is wo' auld man.

SOFIA: Eeeeh, worra coincidence eh?

BILLY: Aye. I'm always amazed by owt like that me.

SOFIA: Shall I tell yer what amazes me? Wo' uncle Terry's a pilot reet, and how they get them huge jumbo jets off the groond always fascinates wo'. When yer see one up clerse, an' look at the shee-a size of it, it's just amazin' they ever get off the runway..

BILLY: Aye, that amazes me an' all. Yer've got reet shapely legs yer knaa Serfia pet. Yer gan to the gym do yez?

SOFIA: ..There'll be aboot 500 people on board, plus all the luggage an' that, an' the thing still takes off, brilliant really.

BILLY: Yer reet pet, it's clevva like. Has anybody evva telled yer what lovely bern structcha yer've got...?

SOFIA: An' when yer see 'em hovverin', well, that's just unbelievable!

BILLY: [PAUSE] Aye, yer reet again. That IS amazin'. Have yer nerticed how much wor've got in common? That's anutha coincidence! Tell yer what, do yer fancy coming back t' my place fer a coffee or what pet?

SOFIA: I divven't think so Billy. I'll be honest with yer, I've already got a boyfriend like...

BILLY: Well what did yer gan oot wi' me for?

SOFIA: Eh? Well I'm thinkin' of dumpin' him yer see, so I thought I'd find a new gadgy first like.. So I came oot wi' yer to see if yer were the reet blerk fer wo'.

BILLY: And yer sayin' that I'm not like, is that it?

SOFIA: I'm sorry, yer a nice blerk an' all that, but...

BILLY: Well if yer ask me that's a funny way to gan aboot things innit?

SOFIA: I divven't think so, not really. I just compare it to when yer sellin' a hoose, yer always find yerself one that yer wanna buy, before yer sell your old one, yer knaa worra mean? Aye, that's a good metaphor forrit...

SINGER: ...Is she really gannin' oot wi' 'im?
Is she really ganna take 'im h'yem th'neet?
Is she really gannin' oot wi' 'im?
If wo' eyes divvent deceive wo', there's summat gannin' an aroond h'yor...

[CUT TO ADAM AND BILLY, IN THE SAME SEATS AS PART #1]


ADAM: So anyway, that's how it worked oot, and I suppose it's fate, y'knaa, so best just let it happen..

BILLY: Well, so long yer sure yer made the reet decisions.

ADAM: Aye, we've been togetha a lang time, an' a' think that's how it's meant to be.

BILLY: Alreet, alreet.

ADAM: Hey, how did yer get on wi' that Serfia bird?

BILLY: Nah, nae good man. Reet roond shooldaz she has, an' not that much gannin' on upstairs neetha . Shame like, 'cos she's tidy bit o' tackle Serfia y'knaa. [FINISHES HIS DRINK] So, do yer want anutha one do yer?

ADAM: Nah thanks son, I suppose wo' better gan pick yer mutha up. She's been deein' a bit o' work doon on 'er allotment. Wor've gorra be up early in th' mornin' and gan doon the travel agent. Takin' yer mutha on a lang weekend away next week yer knaa, to celebrate wo' patchin' things up like. Wo' seen in the paper they got these promertions, yer can grab yersel's a few days in them Maldeeves or summat for aboot 180 pund. I'm a bit flush, 'cos I've been puttin' some ovvatime in at work like, descaling the sess pits an' that, y'knaa.

BILLY: Maldeeves? I thought you were petrified o' flying?

ADAM: Nah man. It's not the flyin' that worries wo', it's just when they dee that hovverin' thing before they land. That arluss gives me the willies that man..