|
By coolveggie85
|
|
14 September 2006 |
i'm new here and am pursueing a career in poetry. hope you like it! Don't hunt the fox He never hurt you Don't fight with cocks Or wear the leather shoe Don't slaughter the cow And stick him in a bun Let the piglets and sow Run free in the sun Hey meat-eater how do you sleep? When you see the blood and the pain As you load the corpse on the back of your jeep Think again, think again, think again! |
Think again...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 14th September 2006 | About the career in poetry...
BTW Pursuing (no "e")
Oli |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 14th September 2006 | Except for the one but last line everything flows well, with a good rythm and rhyme. Maybe you can make that line a little shorter?
A poem with a message this one. | Appealing to the masses
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Well, about 8% of them.
Student by any chance? I'm no expert, but even to me this looks pretty lame. Needs beefing up, if you'll pardon the expression.
Good Luck
Givitsum
|
Written by coolveggie85 (7 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | I'm a student at the university of life! I prefer to teach myself about the ways of the world and some of my friends who go to university are nowhere near as clever as me so i think i made the right choice.
I'm a bicycle courier to pay the bills but im going to stop as soon as my poetry starts selling.
I think my work may be a bit intelectual for some of you but I'm interested in opinions, good or bad,
xx | Huh?
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Is this some sort of wind up? I keep expecting Jeremy Beadle to pop in my office at any moment..
Intellectual eh? Nice one.
Givitsum | Just one thing....
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Intellectual has two l's! Just thought I'd point that out....
That's my opinion!
|
Written by coolveggie85 (7 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | | Dear Givitsum, just because you don't understand something doesn't mean you should mock it. And don't make fun of Jremey Beadle either, my mum says he's very funny. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Some advice...If you set yourself up by describing yourself as better than those around you then you can expect some fairly harsh criticism if your work is not up to standard. This could have been a nice idea but you need to think a little more about how you want to express yourself. if you want a rhyming, rhythmic poem then this needs a lot of effort and thought if it is not to appear trite. Maybe go and look at some of the other poetry on the site, particularly that which has been postiively reviewed and then work on your pieces again. I think you'll find that, if you don't get peoples backs up, then they will review your work constructively. Rather than assuming people don't undertand your work when they do not review positively you should think about why your poem has not communicated what you wished it to. If you have not communicated effectively to your audience then that is a failing of the writer, by and large, not the audience.
All the best
Elli | Ditto
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | I would echo all of Elli's advice.
Phil |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
