This was a difficult poem for me to write as it's very personal and conserns my boyfriend in prison. They keep extending his sentence because he hits people but I know he's a good soul.
He's been in prison for several years
It doesn't seem to be helping
His letters home are stained with tears
Like an injured dog he's yelping
It wasn't a particularly serious crime
He was drunk and threw a man off the bus
An argument that started at closing time
The victim made far too much fuss
They call him a victim but that's what he's not
He started the fight and should say so
He's left my boyfriend in prison to rot
Is this justice,sir? No, I say NOT!
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Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
Oh ye cannae throw yer victim aff the bus,
No ye cannae throw yer victim aff the bus,
Oh ye cannae throw yer victim,
An' thats the judges dictum,
Ye cannae throw yer victim aff the bus.
Oli
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Are you for real?
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
One or two comments here:
If this wasn't a particularly serious crime - why is your boyfriend in prison?
If he's such a good soul, why does he keep hitting people?
Excuse me, but if your boyfriend threw the man off the bus, I think you'll find he was the victim - and how unreasonable of him to make such a fuss at being thrown off a bus by someone in an alcohol fuelled rage!
You are an intelligent person, otherwise you could not write poetry like this - maybe one day, you'll see this boy for what he is! I'm sure you're worth more than he can give you!
I think you'll find sympathy in short supply, especially from people who have been victims of crime themselves.
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Excellent
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
Please unveil yourself. This is just too good to be true!
Absolutely superb. Are you Ricky Gervais in disguise?
So to recap, you're a vegetarian student at the university of life, who's 'much more clever' than your student mates despite not being able to spell, and your boyfriend is in jail for chucking some bloke off a bus whilst pissed, yet he is the victim, and the bloke he chucked off should admit as much, once he comes round from his coma?
Top drawer my friend. You have at least one fan in me!
GIVITSUM |
i am not ricky gervais
Written by coolveggie85 (7 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
U may not take my work seriously givitsum but i do and all the big poets were ignored in the begining.
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i am not ricky gervais
Written by coolveggie85 (7 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
U may not take my work seriously givitsum but i do and all the big poets were ignored in the begining.
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Don't mean to be rude, but...
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
to be a poet, it's useful if you can actually spell....
(ie begining has two n's) |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
Clearly this is something very personal for you and you have been brave in trying to share how you feel. However, I do agree with LynB in that if your boyfriend keeps hitting people he is going to get his sentence extended, that's the way the system works. This is a better effort than your last poem and you may have the potential to write good poetry but you do need to keep working at it.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
Either I've lost the plot or you're having a laugh.
Was it from the top deck?
Phil. |
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