|
By rilLie
|
|
15 September 2006 |
This was done today during Environmental Science. I was too bored. We were talking about the Water Problem in our world. the teardrops were initiated by Meggy, a friend, who won't stop singing a song of the same title, featured in Pixel Perfect (Disney.). I hope you do enjoy.
I'm hurt as I see your face
your cheeks pink mounts of water
tears running down, inseperable
from the pouring rain altogether.
I see your eyes silently pleading
like orbs of such great sorrow
pleading, asking and begging me
for a life I could not borrow.
It's hard for me as well, you know
watching the sequences of time
what it did to you and me and all
your sorrows and all mine
And now, as I watch water, forever life
how negative an effect it can make
as teardrops mix with God's blessing,
a silent, crying, pleading lake.
|
Beautiful
Written by Laura (10 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | This is a beautiful piece, I can tell a lot of emotion went into this, and there are some great metaphors. My kind of poem.
Well done
Laura. | thanks!
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | thank you for the review. i do get sudden inspirations during classes... never know why.. anyway, i'd also like to thank LuiNahtzi for reading this through this morning.
-rilLie
0_o | Love it
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Such beautiful imagery, lovely emotive words. A real little masterpiece. You should be very proud of it.  | thanks!
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | thanks to you, too. i am proud!!! i posted it on deviantart!!!!
-rilLie | Sugoi!
Written by LuiNahtzi (5 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | Ah, I love it! Even if you already showed it to me, I still love it!  | Day Dreamer........
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | I can only agree with what the other memebers have said. A very emotional, well structured poem. I shall look out for more of your work
Brook | RiLie - Lovely!
Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | | Added to the others I say: "Lovely". Yes, the title is eye-catching and relevant to the story. Yes, you want to read on. Lovely! | thanks, to all.
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 15th September 2006 | thanks to you all for those kind words..
-rilLie |
Written by EmmaSparrow (2 comments posted) 19th August 2007 | | This is fantastic work, I loved the flow of the words. Emotional and brilliant. Well done! |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
