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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Waiting- Chapter 3
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Extended Work
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| Waiting- Chapter 3 | |
| By Laura | ||
| 16 September 2006 | ||
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Chapter Three: My Lost Valentine. I awoke to see the sun streaming through the blinds which made a pool of light on the floor where I lay. I heave myself up, clutching my right shoulder as it ached for I was lying on it for so long. I looked eerily around my bedroom floor, and look at the small pool of blood from my bleeding palms. My head throbbed to my every movement and I could feel my blood rushing through my veins like the rapid waves of the ocean. I made an attempt to get up and stay up. I was never one to watch as my life passes me by. Guilt would always consume me before I’d let that happen. As I got up, it felt as though I was on a ship, I could see the floor seesawing underneath me. I stood still for a moment, trying to gain full consciousness and balance, positioned in a stance they taught me in Judo; legs spread a little further than shoulder width apart, knees slightly facing outwards and feet facing forward, my weight dropped low and hands gripping the tops of my thighs. I must look like a real fool. I inhale a few deep breathes, and try to stare in more than one spot without falling over. I took my first few steps towards the door and stumbled over the empty red wine bottles that were scattered on my floor. I pick them up and smash them in my bin, hoping that Dad wouldn’t hear. If only he knew. I stagger out my door and into the family room which glowed from the afternoon sunlight. No one was home, I don’t know where anyone was, and personally I couldn’t care. I drag my feet towards the cupboard in search for some penicillin and maybe even a decent breakfast, or lunch. I gulp down the pain killers and water, hoping that they worked quickly. I went to lie down on the couch until they did so. I try to retrace the events of last night and what bought me to drink so many bottles of red wine. I remember crying and staring out at the stars, singing some ridiculously sad song I had made up out of madness, I suppose. I mimed the words of the song that I could remember: “…and I can’t keep chasing you, I’m running out of breathe. And I can’t keep waiting for you, I’m drowning in regret. Forgive me for I am not strong…Come back,” The words were all a blur, something that I would keep to myself. The song made my heart beat a little faster, as though I was subconsciously remembered something I didn’t like. I got up and walked around the house for a short while, so I could find where I was. As I walked towards the calendar and I spotted a red circle drawn around a particular date. I wondered what was so important this month. I squint to see the red circle was drawn around February 14th. My jaw dropped, as I realized the importance of the red wine bottles. “Valentines Day,” I whisper to myself, “Happy fucking Valentines Day.” I groan and made my way to the bathroom, angrily. I stripped off my clothes as the steam from the shower covered the room, fogging up the mirror and windows. I took my frustration out on brushing the knots out of my hair and looked heatedly at myself in what was left in the reflection. I was so tired of being alone all the time, I was tired of waiting around whilst he was out fulfilling his life. I hated the fact that I knew it was my fault I was like this, not his. Although I still tried to find some way to make it appear his fault. I walked into the shower, soaking up as much water as I could, my body was so thirsty. After I finished washing away the suds, I slid down the walls of the shower and hugged my knees. It was warm in here, secure. It felt as though there was a million tiny hands stroking down my skin, comforting me. The sound of the water trickling passed me sounded like someone whispering to me, telling me that everything was going to be okay. The warmth of the atmosphere made me feel as though I wasn’t alone. I could have stayed there forever. * I forced a smile when I looked in the mirror this time. I had tried to do myself up the way I used to, my hair was straightened and my make up neat, a sad attempt to bring out my eyes, although the bags under them already gave that affect, sought of. I wasn’t going out anywhere special, or seeing anyone particular. I just decided to get dressed up to watch the sun set by myself. It was a warm summers evening, I could see that the sun was about to reprieve for day. I told my dad I would be back soon and hid the bottle of scotch that was in my bag. As I walk down my street, I listened to slow love songs on my ipod, as though I was reenacting a runaway movie scene, with the music playing in the background. The breeze swept through my hair, it felt good to feel the air against my skin. I gazed at the clouds that were drifting so high above me, abstracted from everything around them, even each other. They didn’t have a care or a worry in the world. I watch as they glide passed each other and I imagine what it would be like to be there with them. I trotted down the path to my destination; I admired all the beautiful wild flowers that grew down the path, the tall red roses stood out the most, I thought that someone must have planted them, someone in love maybe. I smiled at the gesture. I took my seat at a nearby bench that overlooked the lake. The sunset was reflected in it, turning it a shade of orangey-gold. I took out the bottle of scotch from my bag, and struggled to open it. Once I finally did, I watch the ducklings follow one another around the lake, I laugh at the little show they seemed to be putting on. One duckling was continuously doing a figure eight in between the others, it seemed the rebelling one. I took a swig of the whiskey and felt the sensation go straight to my head, the ducklings suddenly became more amusing than a second ago. I could hear a frog nearby croaking, followed by another, even the animals weren’t alone. I closed my eyes for a moment; visioning the beautiful landscape still in my mind, the pink water lilies oscillate from the ripples the ducklings created in the lake and the long grass swayed in the soft breeze. Then the trees grew into buildings, the lake becoming a road, a city. The streets lined with oriental lights and deep red roses, the moon was full and overlooking the scene. Couples walk along the pavement hand in hand, soaking up each others company. Daniel was there, holding someone close to him, this made my blood rush. I couldn’t see her face, all I could see was long brown hair which she would flick behind her shoulder every so often, she is taller than I am and I assumed she would be much more beautiful judging by her physique. I squeeze the bottle of whiskey tightly, as I watch them, embracing each other, the way he would hold me. I felt my face burn red and I began to squeeze the bottle tighter still. I grind my teeth to prevent me from crying and screaming, still I replay the image in my mind. Their lips edged closer, they stared deeply into one another’s eyes. I open mine quickly; “Bastard!” I threw the bottle into the lake, startling the ducklings and their mothers. Feathers camouflaged the night sky, as the birds fluttered off into the distance. My breathing was deep and angry, my mouth still slammed shut. A cold breeze crept up my spine, I took this as a sign for me to go home and face another long sleepless night. I walk along the road this time, watching as the cars went by and ignoring the drunken P plates. I stared at the traffic lights, waiting for them to change so that I could cross. The streets were busy tonight, valentines celebrating their love I suppose, new and old. As I crossed and began my journey home, I thought about the place I would rather be: It was our final hours of the weekend with each other, the train pulled up to the station. It wasn’t due to leave for a few more minutes. The sky was drizzling ever so softly, the drops glowing in the lights of the night. We held each other closely and our bodies moved in time to the slow music that was playing in the background. Our voices moan ever so gently as we engaged in a long tender kiss. I felt him press against me, I tempted him more by rubbing my body smoothly along his. We looked in each others, smiling at our shared accomplishment, still moving to the gentle music. I pressed my breast up against his chest, and moved my lips to his neck, breathing softly in his ear. I stroked his face with my free hand, his caressing the small of my back. I did a small jump and wrapped my legs around him, still looking at him. “Promise not to break my heart?” “I promise.” He replied, I smiled and went to kiss him, before I did though, I whispered: “Then I will wait for you.” I was a million miles above the earth, nothing could hurt me here, as long as he didn’t let go. The time passed to our final seconds and we held on for every last one. I heard the train buckle up ready to leave, and we were torn from each other. It seems time was against us. We whispered “I love you” as many times as we could, his hand fell from mine and I watch as the glass doors bar me from my love. I could feel myself falling from the millions of miles I was from the world, I felt as I landed on the dagger that pierced straight through my heart. I blew him a final kiss but couldn’t bear to watch as the train departed. I turned to climb the stairs. I could feel my heart bleeding. I fell to my knees and clutched the rails for support and looked down to where I last saw him standing. I began to cry. Still I stared hoping that he would come back. The pain in the pit of my stomach is still there, hope prevents it from over-powering me. He will come back…
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