Wassup Grandad we ain't takin your place
We're too busy laughin in your wrinkly old face

I hear you say butt head brain dead bint?
When you was my age they made tools out of flint

I'm happy slapping on my new mobile phone
You's playing bingo at the Darby and Joan

So watch who you dissing, don't be so crass
Or we'll come round your crib, bust a cap in yo ass

Enough of the beef, let's tell my story
Sit back Grandad, it's like 'Jackanory'

I was on the way to see my social worker
Don't wanna be recognised so I'm wearing a burkha

It's blue since you ask and it suits me just fine
But people keep staring 'cos I'm drinking cheap wine

I'm plotting a way to get my boy out of jail
He needs my help so i know I can't fail

I could fly in a chopper and drop him a ladder
But I get air-sick and I've got a weak bladder

I can't be away from the toilet too long
So I already know that plan is all wrong

Then a guy taps my shoulder, it's my ex-boyfriend Wayne
He's well high on smack and he smells like a drain

I sez oh mi god wayne I ain't seen you in ages
Is you still on medication for your psychotic rages?

He's talking too fast and I don't catch a word
He's offering me a present, I think it's a turd

It is! He's holding a massive dog dropping
I tell him I'm busy I'm trying to go shopping

I thought that this burkha would help me to hide
Wayne recognised my arse 'cos it's so bloody wide

I want him to go so I threaten his life
He keeps on talking so I get out my knife

That shuts him up, he's starting to run
I don't waste a second in pulling my gun

As he runs past the Pound Shop i blow out his brain
To get rid of the evidence drop the gun down the drain

And I'm running away in my burkha so blue
Look out for me Grandad, 'cos next time it's YOU!