I Love Poets - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Poetry > I Love Poets

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Tell us a Story Moma -p... by jean.day Cool It by patterjack untitled by no1butClo Marlowe 2007 by patterjack The Black Mass by galacon Shadow of the Dome of Pl... by balthazar On The Shelf by Thatllbemethen Bloom by umbugjug The Hidden Fortress by sasquatch Unchained Melody by Leo

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1562 guests online and 2 members online fellpony patterjack bluecity

WHO'S ONLINE

fellpony

patterjack

bluecity

Poetry


print friendly version
I Love Poets

By Inmate47251

18 September 2006

During shakedown, me and boys was wondering if we could help out you good folk on the outside. We thought we would start with those who pay their taxes to keep us here...

You think you’re so cool

With your wordplay, you tool

~But all you are really

Is seething

You have no real talent

To me that’s apparent

_ Yet all you can do here

Is linger

Well me and the boys

We’ll get out all our toys

_ And all of your screams

will be futile

Cause we don’t feel your pain

And what’s true in the main

Is that you pay your sins

‘Fore you go

So you cry and you yelp

But there’s no-one to help

Just take what's a-coming

amen

Reviews

I'm curious....
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 18th September 2006

Shouldn't it be lights out by now, for all you lovely people living at Her Majesty's Pleasure? 24 hour internet access - and they say crime doesn't pay?

Well, pal, if you pay for your sins, that's you for the fire and brimstone, for a start!

I like...
Written by DozyDog (6 comments posted) 20th September 2006

That's a cracking little poem Inmate47251.

Didn't know the prison comunity was so hard on amateur poets :-)

I was thinking about the rhythm of this piece though and thought there were two lines were I think you could do with loosing or gaining a word:

In the third stanza, second line, I think the stanza would scan better if you lost the word 'all', so it reads: 'We'll get out our toys'.

In the fourth stanza, third line, I feel it would scans better if you'd add the word 'for' so the line reads; 'Is that you pay for your sins' (would perhaps also be better from a grammatical point of view?).

Other than that, I think this is great - keep it up

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item