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For Children
Bearly There
By sueflu
19 September 2006
Imagination is a wonderful thing!  It leads to a day of fun from a bear's point of view.


Bearly There


In the woods it's fun to be
With my snout in a honey tree.

I fill my tummy then wander around
Til I find a soft spot upon the ground

To take a rest for an hour or two
To let my food settle and think what to do.

When I arise, I'm ready to go
To find some fun and I think I know

A campsite, a short distance I saw today
I'll forage around while the camper's away.

I'll leave my tracks on some interesting stuff
And when he comes back he'll be in a huff.

He'll see I've made an awful mess
Who was bearly there he'll have to guess.




Reviews
Excellent
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 19th September 2006
For your first piece of work on Great Writing, I must say that children will love it. Do keep writing and welcome from us all.
Thank you for..
Written by sueflu (18 comments posted) 19th September 2006
Thank you for the encouragement! I'm delighted that I was introduced to this community. Not just for the encouragement, which is so great, but to be challenged to grow and learn from others. Kudos to you all!!  
 
sueflu
A second look
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 20th September 2006
You have four beats to each line, but the last verse tails off from these four beats. Did you mean that to happen? You could start off: He'll see (1) I've made (2) an awful (3) mess (4) - to keep it the same. Then:  
Who was bearly (1) there (2) he'll have (3) to guess (4) - to keep the rhythm the same. I hope this helps. Children notice this more than adults I think. They are encouraged to clap their hands to get the rhythm. Leave it as it is if you don't agree.
You're right!
Written by sueflu (18 comments posted) 20th September 2006
You are right! I didn't realize that children do love rhythm right to the end. Thanks so much. I am learning. When finishing this poem, I got off the rhythm and was focusing on the wording. You handled both. I love it!

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