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By gutterkitty
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20 September 2006 |
This was written about being shown that I'd become more cynical ("harder" might be a more suitable term), and not knowing how I came to be that way.
No offence intended to happy cynics! Whose hands painted my skin black,
whose fingers, as brushes
swept over the whiteness of my thighs
so gently, I was unaware
that such a dark colour caressed me.
As I slept, slow fingers
smoothed over my back, my lips
till when I touched them with my tongue,
an acrid taste answered, shouted.
As blackness caked my eyelashes,
it hurt to open my eyes.
When you gave me a mirror without a word
I left prints like flies on its silent surface. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 20th September 2006 | Liked the imagery in this and how it develops. Stupid that I am, I don't follow the last two lines. I'm sure this is me and not you. Perhaps you could explain.
Phil. | I like this...
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 21st September 2006 | Though like Phil, I'm not sure I "get" it all.
I find the choice of metaphors quite erotic actually - all fingers, thighs and tongues! Excuse the perv in me...I think I'll read it again - just for the frisson!
Oli. | interesting
Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 22nd September 2006 | I like this piece alot, it's a bit different, and although the last two lines seem strange, they are my favourite part. They bring to mind the idea of something starting to end, to decompose almost. Your imagery is unusual but effective =)
well done
x clo x
ps, suggest 'Flies' not 'Fly' for a title, gives the wrong impression i think, jsut a suggestion |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 22nd September 2006 | Thank you for your comments! They're much appreciated.
Phil- the last two lines are a metaphor- they symbolise being shown by someone what you have become, and the fact that I leave dark prints on the mirror symbolises the negative effect I have on those around me.
Oli- thanks for sharing your interpretation- I won't deny any pseudo-eroticism!
Clo- the title is intended to be misleading. Though most would read it as the verb "fly", a word which produces pleasant imagery, my actual meaning is that (as well as my fingerprints being like flies) being covered in black myself I am similar to a fly. | hmm...
Written by Wolfie (3 comments posted) 23rd September 2006 | | The words wrap around me like a warm blanket. Somehow this speaks to me. after reading it a few times i understand more of it. and i must agree with oli. it carries a sense of, i wouldn't say eroticism but rather sensualism. really good |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 24th September 2006 | thanks Wolfie! Really glad you enjoyed it in your own warm blankety way  |
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | Hi gutterkitty,
Thanks for your review
I really enjoyed this piece. The imagery is great, I love the title and, as Oli said, it does end up being quite erotic!
Well done
Elli |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | | thanks Elli, glad you enjoyed it And you're welcome for the review! |
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