This is a two part poem. I wrote part one a few weeks ago, after I unfortunately fell over, cut my hand and then had a massive row with my husband over something so trivial I can't even recall why. (Always is the way!) I've just written part two, and it seems to answer the implied question I left with in part one.
Relationships are just undulations on the sea of life...
Comments always appreciated.
Part One - Falling Emotion
The stones on the road
Cut my hand
But your angry words
Cut me deeper
The outpouring from my heart
Was more than my wound
You sat still
Eyes staring, saying nothing
A rigidness I’ve come to expect
Keeping it all in
While I explode
An emotional thunderstorm
Clearing the air
But still you remain unaffected
I prod and push too far
Succinct sharpness
Scythe through the moment
On my feet
Expletives rolling
I stand by the door…
Still no one could love you more
And why did it happen?
What did I say?
To make you act this way
It hasn’t been easy
Mere mortals would crumble
But you stood tall
Unflinching you persisted
Finding resolution
Where none existed
I’m sorry I’m not perfect
I shout, I curse
Far from that pristine miss
But I need to express
In words, in voice
Born like that
With no other choice
And that was what you loved
At least, I thought so…
Part Two - Rising Emotion ...and I was right
Returning, dark eyes wet
Mutual forgiveness
You wrap your heart around me
Comforting, protecting
Safe with you
Always
Yes, we argue
But who doesn’t
Just a state of mind
Soon slipping back
to love
I’ve come to realise
On our journey
Together
Living through the world
You define me
And I, you
Whatever said, whatever done
It makes no difference
I look at you
And all I know
This burning inside me
You’re mine.
|
Bravo! Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
You have a particular style mish and I love it. You bring wonder to the commonplace, say it straight out, raw, emotional but still enjoyable to read. A rare talent! Oli |
Yes! Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
| How well you have expressed the situation - especially the part about "sat still, eyes staring, saying nothing". I know it well, ha ha. (i think it is a man thing which we woman have come to expect!) Women are much better at emotional thunderstorms, and then we have our girlfriends to sob our hearts out with. I hope the men in Great Writing will tell me if I've got it wrong. Very well expressed, and how well you put your emotions into words. |
Thank you both... Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
very much indeed. Oli, I just write things as I see them. I tend to do more prose writing than poetry, but I have felt like writing poetry more again, (especially reading your works). Thank you for such a lovely, unexpected comment. Josie, thank you for your sweet comment. Yes, I believe men are schooled in being dark and silent, when we women just explode. I'm too passionate by half, and fly off the deep end...and it's my husband who's foreign!! Should be the otherway around... With best wishes mish x
|
This is lovely! Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
This poem is truly beautiful. It is so heartfelt. It portrays perfectly the overwhelming emotions that come into play when we exchange heated words with the one we love, yet when everything is said and done, we still love them as much as we ever did. I agree that men sometimes hide their feelings, while women seem to be able to open up easier. Something to do with macho pride, maybe? Still, what do I know? I've been alone ever since my husband left me 17 years ago. Still, your poem still had a profound effect on me - I can dream that maybe one day I might find someone to grow old with - I can dream, no one can stop me from doing that. |
Now hang on! Written by matt (18 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
In defence of the male contingent I tend to find it very difficult not to argue back if I feel I have been wronged (which is whenever my wife critiscises me of course!!) - except when I am feeling really horrible then I go quiet and condescending, because I know that is even more annoying than fighting back. We are funny creatures aren't we! Love the poem
|
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st September 2006 |
Really enjoyed this - and I think the second half completes the idea. You sensed my questions when you posted the first half. This second half could almast be the liturgy of your relationship. Strong writing. (I don't think men hide their feelings, we're just not as good as using them as women - which is why we will always be the weaker sex.) Well done Mish, Phil. |
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 25th September 2006 |
brilliant mish! I loved the idea of a two parter and it certainly worked well. I will definately be reading this poem over and over again as you managed to express so much in it!! Well done Brook |
Written by clockwork (17 comments posted) 4th October 2006 |
That brought tears to my eyes - you expressed it so well I was living it in your poem and all over again for myself. Brilliant |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.