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By kevinrobson73
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16 May 2005 |
A very short 100 worder | Post subject: Last Stop |  Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 11:04 pm |    | | | | Attending my own funeral. The preachers words are right. I am not gone , I am merely in the next room. All the things I didn't have time to say I can't say now. All the touches, all the love, there's nothing I can do now. Regrets, I have a few, but then again, isn't that from a song, oh look there's a great shaft and a white light, hello, Uncle Norman, you're my mum's dead brother, aren't you? Well, it's very nice of you to come for me. Goodbye, goodbye, everybody, goodbye. |
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Niceley done...
Written by richard (88 comments posted) 6th June 2005 | I think this is nicely done - especially like the way inw hcih the "big things" (regrets, things not done etc) are mixed in with the mundane (Unle Norman etc). A bit like life really.
For the story I think you might get more impact if you actually left out the first four words as it then allows the reader to work out that you're attending your own funeral which may add to the impact for the reader?
Richard | Last Stop
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 19th August 2006 | Yes Richard, I agree and I feel that 'Isn't that from a song' should maybe be cut. It doesn't seem to add anything but that's only my opinion, so what do other people think?
Of course, it is a very clever piece of prose and you cover a lot in 100 words!
VBW,
TW |
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