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Drama Scripts
Goth Girl
By Bagheera
22 September 2006
Found this short piece languishing unfinished in my files last night while I was looking for something else ..... comments appreciated

Goth Girl
 

HE

Stood standing there, as usual. Ain’t she got no other place to be? I mean: look at her! Bloody disgrace: looks like she’s held together with pins & staples where anyone else’d use a sticking plaster. And as for what she seems to think is ‘make-up’ …. isn’t it supposed to be a woman’s “war paint”, something she uses to make herself more attractive to men?


SHE

Wish he’d stop staring. Doesn’t he realise just how frightened it makes me? How much he looks like my old man used to look just before he went out and the door slammed behind him? And how we kids were terrified of what would be handed out – literally – with powerful lefts and rights when he turned up again, broke and in a foul mood. Of course Mam had to get out of there with us when she couldn’t take no more, and there ain’t no-one anywhere who’ll say she was wrong to do it.


HE

She calls it “making a statement”, I suppose: they always have some excuse, have you noticed that? Love to know what sort of a ‘statement’ she thinks she’s making, though: don’t she understand that the only message that’s coming across is: “I’m a lazy slag who doesn’t give a **** about her appearance, and doesn’t care who knows it.”


SHE

And the worst of it is, if he thinks at all he probably thinks I’m some sort of slut, an easy lay, a warm, wet place wandering around on a pair of legs. He should be so lucky! No way he’d ever get his greasy paws on me! I’d kill myself if he ever tried; he’s no better than the slob who used to bang my Mam about, after us kids got too smart to be caught – more ’n likely before that, but we never realised at the time. That’s why I’m so afraid of sending out a ‘signal’ that could be misunderstood: I’d like to meet someone I could trust, but I’m afraid ……


HE

Still, if she – y’know, smartened up a bit, lose some of the hardware round her nose and eyebrows, try a more natural flesh-coloured make-up instead of that godawful death mask black-on-white abortion she uses to frighten people off. Truth to tell, there’s a halfways-decent female trying to fight her way out of the cocoon she’s pulled around herself ….


SHE

Omigod, I think he’s starting  … no, please, I’ve got to be wrong, I’ve done     nothing to encourage him, quite the opposite … there’s that ‘look’ in his eyes, any minute now he’s going to cross the street and say something, I don’t even    want to think what it might be, it won’t be anything nice … though I might want to believe he meant it, he looks somehow as if he could be trusted …. no, I can’t even let myself begin to think like that!


HE

Just let her know how she could be more … approachable, know what I mean? …  if she softens up a bit, smooth over a few rough edges …  she’s not a bad looker, really, when you get close up … nobody’d want to make that “close up and personal”, though: at least, nobody I know !


SHE

What’s this? Is he trying to serenade me or something? That’s so old-fashioned, what’s he think he’s doing: he’s not far off old enough to be my Dad, and that’s one person he definitely wouldn’t want me to compare him with, if he only knew what a miserable bastard that was. Still, I seem to know the words, I must have heard it before …. somehow they seem to fit, he doesn’t appear to be mad or unbalanced. Might be quite a nice person, after all …..


HE

“Don’t say a word, my Virgin Child: just let your inhibitions run wild”

Nobody writes those sort of lyrics any more: you probably weren’t even born when Rod Stewart hit the charts with that number, but he could have been singing about you…..


SHE

Two can play at that game, y’know! How about “Walk away, René?”
I don’t know your name, I don’ wanna know – but a poncey name like René would suit you, it really would!


HE

“Though I've tried before to tell her  Of the feelings I have for her in my heart” 

She could be quite attractive if she’d give herself a chance Still, for now I’ll let Sting say it for me: Why can’t I find my own words for the way I suddenly feel?


SHE

“Once I had a love and it was a gas
Soon found out, it was a Heart of Glass”

Still, he’s not that bad looking ….
If he could just relax, be less uptight, I could maybe relate ….


HE

“She’s ferocious, and she knows just what it takes to make it go
She’s got Betty Davis eyes ……… or are they Come-to-bed eyes?”


SHE

I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control
Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'
You better shape up, cause I need a man,
and my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand,
to my heart I must be true
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do


BOTH

You're the one that I want
(you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one I need (the one I need),
oh yes indeed (yes indeed)

Reviews
I think I read this on WD
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 22nd September 2006
it's one of the most imginative pieces I've read for a long time. Very original and going down the less well trodden paths. 
 
However you've been hit by the "Posting Gremlin". Phil gave me a tip. Go back to the original and save it in Arial 14. 
 
Delete the original content then repost in the empty space. It is quite possible however that it might look OK to you! One of GW's little quirks, 
 
Brian
Humorous and different
Written by Leigh (226 comments posted) 22nd September 2006
This started out very dark: I felt uneasy with where you might be heading with it, but ended up laughing at the surreal vision of this disparate pair singing numbers from 'Grease.' 
 
Definitely kept me gripped - I wanted to see which direction you were going to take the two characters in.  
 
A very imaginative way of showing two people's inner thoughts and changing feelings towards each other.

Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 22nd September 2006
As Leigh, I felt this had a very threatening feel to start. You moved well from that to the end - surreal. 
 
It did occur to me - would a Goth know the words to Grease? Then I remembered everyone on the planet knows them. 
 
Enjoyed this. Something different. 
 
Phil. 
 
What you do best..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd September 2006
Hello Paul. 
 
A very creative and imaginative piece in my opinion. I could certainly 'hear it', which is the acid test of a sucessful script by any standard. I know how keen you are to launch 'Chapel', but from where I am standing the width and professionalism of your script writing has no peer on this site and for me is your outstanding strength as a writer. I think it was no accident you got chosen to be performed in Edinburgh. I wonder if you have anything more ambitious in mind in terms of scripting. I really think if you are seeking exposure it is something you should consider.  
 
Again my compliments to you. Yes; it does need a spot of polish but nothing resembling hard work. The idea is quite canny and well carried off. Do persevere with this. 
 
Thanks for you PM by the way. 
 
Slan!
HI Bagheera
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 23rd September 2006
I had a slightly different slant on this than some of the other reviewers. I liked the beginning best -with the contrast of the two personalities who were drawn to each other although they obviously disliked each other's looks. Then when it got down to the sing a long, I thought it lost credability - although I know you are a song writer and singer and maybe you approach all your new relationships in this way.

Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 24th September 2006
Hi Bags. Thought this was extremely well constructed and cleverly paced up to the final sing song - I agree with everything Gerard has said about your writing, excellent.  
 
happy writing 
woody 
 
 
 
Ps. I have emailed Louie by the way regarding the cd but heard nothing back yet..could he have skipped the country do you think..? 
 
Clever
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 25th September 2006
I thought this was really well constructed. It progresses from the threatening to the surreal. Wonderfully imaginative. 
 
Great 
 
Elli

Written by coosh (850 comments posted) 26th September 2006
Very good. Particularly the opening. I could see and hear it on a stage or on film. It's a great idea and, insofar as I know anything, the rousing Grease ending will work well in the finished article. On paper, I was wanting it to go elsewhere (the British or whomsoever judging each other by appearance (and accent), etc.), but that was just me imposing my own agenda, I guess. Struck me as being innovative and really enjoyed it.

Written by dotcommie (6 comments posted) 23rd October 2006
Insightful piece. I'm no great judge of scripts, as I usually stick to stories, but I know what I like and this, I like. 
I think the piece might do something to influence the attitudes of people who assume 'goths' are middle class whiners (an all to common misperception :upset )

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