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By no1butClo
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22 September 2006 |
sorry sorry sorry! i hated untitled poems but i really can't decide about this one, comments welcome, theme unsure. Your lips appear to me a face made alive by flame in dark dreams. They scream, shout beg perhaps, I cannot tell I cannot hear you. Each night my eyelids disclose your image, to flicker through my mind before the morning. Each night and again you call and I strain, ache to hear you, comfort you and absolve this pain. Tell me your troubles; and you do, but I cannot hear you. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 22nd September 2006 | I like this a lot; the tone is simple and quiet, contrasting with the vivid and violent images. I particularly like "a face made alive/by flame...", though I find the fourth stanza is a bit too dramatic in tone and lacks the subtle touch of the rest of the poem. The last two lines are effective and finish the piece nicely. Well done  |
Written by JourneyAtNight (355 comments posted) 22nd September 2006 | This is a great piece, with lots of emotion behind it. Like what GK said, when reading this, I could hear a quiet, pained voice, but speaking strong, dramatic words.
I'm a sucker for getting titles too, as you will be able to tell from my lazy attempts! 
Good stuff!
Esra x |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 22nd September 2006 | Liked this. This might sound really odd, but I read this seeing lots of black and red. (In head, not screen)
I actually liked the second last verse.
There's a feeling here of grasping, touching something and then it slipping through fingers before you get a good grip.
Strike the first two words. I liked it a lot.
Phil. |
Written by william (21 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | I like your poem. It's meant and not forced. Your not trying to impress. Too many of the others are but don't have much to say or feel inhibited.
Thanks for your advice. I'll take it on board. |
Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | I, like Phil, thought of black and red reading this-I think it is 'flame in dark dreams' that does it.
I love it, every bit
Elli |
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