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By umbugjug
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17 May 2005 |
100 words. it's not easy. As he took hold of her elbow, too sharply, painfully, she almost dropped the mug onto the breakfast table, the mug he had bought her when things were okay, on a rainy day in Porthleven, when the boy was still fast asleep inside her. The tea spilled over. As he pulled her onto the hallway floor, and she saw the torn blue pieces paper, that had given her pleasure not from his hand, she accused herself before he could. He's found them. At last. Through the wells of his eyes she could see confusion. The tears spilled. It was over. |
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 17th May 2005 | No, it's not easy in 100 words is it, umbugjug?! 
This is a good, tight beginning - but it lacks [IMHO] a middle and an end.
Great potential, though, for a dark tale of .... domestic violence? unhappy marriage? rape? robbery? | Easy?
Written by Ostara (61 comments posted) 17th May 2005 | I think the main purpose of a 100 word story or flash fiction or whatever you want to call it (!) is to cultivate your ideas without getting carried away with words. It is a great starting point for a short story, but not necessarily a story in itself.
I did like this, but I will review it in the 100 word fiction forum, with the others. There really isn't any need to post it twice, I think.  |
Written by baljitnagreh (7 comments posted) 6th June 2005 | | a good beginning, but needs to go somewhere. the reader will be dying to know what happens next and what happened before. |
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 19th August 2006 | Yes, in this case I agree with all the other comments. Great beginning though!
VBW,
TW |
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