“Oh!” - Oh. Oh Shit. I shouldn’t be… I shouldn’t have done… Shit. Its done, its done. Get up. I get up, my feet lose traction in the muck. - Shit I put one hand down for balance, cold mud seeping between fingers, and lift with one knee. The sudden elevation makes me dizzy. I look down. - Don’t look down I close my eyes, but too late. I have the image in my mind now. - Oh God I stand eternal for a moment, head spinning, mind a tumble of unfinishable thoughts and slurred images. I desire nothing but the sweet, solitary embrace of bed. I begin to fade out of… A sudden gust of wind stings rain into the backs of my legs. - What now? I lean down to pull up trousers. I fumble with frozen fingers at the buckle. I zip fly. - What now? I hear sobs. A gust of wind blows hair into my face. My hair. I push it back. - Shit “Alice…” …slips involuntarily from my lips A sudden sharp intake of breath and the sobs end. There is nothing but the wind, the rain and me. I am nothing but the last five minutes. - What have I done? The wind changes direction, casting rain into my face, I raise a muddied hand to ward it off, but drop it. It feels right. My clothes are heavy with rain and muck. My eyes are closed. I am standing - What now? … The sobs resume. I am standing. I struggle to ignore it. - Help me. Oh god. What have I done? My dizziness abates. To catch some bearings I open my eyes, rain forces them shut quickly. But I saw an infinite expanse of the field at night, a tree in silhouette, a shock of bright blossom in the bush, somewhere a streetlight is forcing a sickly orange on everything. My house. Our house. My dizziness returns and I am aware again of the sound of sobbing. Alice crying. I’ve hurt Alice. I wonder at who I am. The sound of a car drives past, planting a tiny seed of panic in my gut. The sobbing dies with the engine. The wind, the rain and me. I am nothing but the last ten minutes. - Help me. I am standing. - What now? Do I dare look? I raise a muddied hand to ward off the rain. I open my eyes and cast down. - Don’t look down. I start at her feet, one lost shoe, two bare legs shuddering in the cold filth… - Don’t look her body, dress caked in mud, torn at the shoulder… - Don’t Her face. She stares right at me… She stares right at me… She stares right at me. I wretch. The universe swirls like a snowglobe. The mud rushes towards me. I land in my filth… the stench of vodka and vomit… I close my eyes. I fade out of… * * * - Wake up. “Wake up.” - Wake up. I wonder at how much time has passed. I sense a change. - What’s happened? I sit up. I see Alice. - Oh god. She is standing, she stares right at me, dress is torn at the shoulder, and everything caked in mud. - What have I done? I notice the rock in her hand. There is no rain. Wind tousles hair left uncloyed by mud and vomit. - I am nothing I am nothing but the last fifteen minutes. I am kneeling. She comes towards me expressionless. I raise a hand to ward her off, but drop it. It feels right. I close my eyes - Don’t look. “Help me.” There is nothing but the wind.