Star’s Penis Severed in Freak Accident
News is emerging of an unnamed UK pop star who has been critically injured in a freak “accident” in a Los Angeles public toilet. The LA authorities are refusing to release full details, until they can ascertain whether any criminal activity was involved. It is thought that the star was caught short during a twilight walk in the Rock Hudson Memorial Park on LA’s plush Bumboy Boulevard. Details of how his penis came to be severed remain sketchy – though bystanders commented on the prevalence of “glory hole” activity in the area. In a bizarre twist, it appears that a mistake was made during emergency micro-surgery. Witnesses have stated that renowned micro-surgeon, Trout Kilgore successfully re-attached the severed organ to the star’s forehead by mistake. “It was amazing!” blurted out hospital orderly Bambi McShane, “he sat bolt upright in the middle of the operation, with a huge woody sticking out of his head. It was actually touch and go at one point”. Today, Elton John flocked to the star’s bedside with a large bouquet of pansies and a floppy hat. The bald queen, real name Reginald Dwight is to record a cover version of Nik Kershaw’s masterpiece, “I Won’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me”, in aid of The John Wayne Bobbit Institute, a US charity for those suffering from penile displacement. (Source: Bloomberg) |
Absolute class!
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | Oli, this is hilarious! Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'dickhead', don't you think?
Love it!!  |
Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | Fantastic Oli. This one had me laughing from start to finish. The story was great, but it was the little touches that did it for me.
Most pop stars would validate their existance with a great phallus jutting from their head. At least they'd be more entertaining.
All the best,
Phil. | Careless with his wispa again...
Written by coosh (894 comments posted) 25th September 2006 | | Brilliant, Oli. All in the details. Thought Elton was goin' to offer one of his old syrups - but that just wouldn't cover it, would it. Great stuff. | ME!
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 26th September 2006 | Another good one Tali...although I`m not sure about yours truly sticking out of the guys forehead! Well done
happy writing
WOODY!
| Sorry Woody!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 26th September 2006 | No offence intended! I always choose my terms carefully, this one came from the definitive "Big Book of Filth"
Woody - Erect Penis (US-1990s - )
Sorry old bean!
Oli. | Stranger than fiction....
Written by SammoR (128 comments posted) 26th September 2006 |
The following tale is told by a friend of mine, who got it from a friend who worked at a police station at Burton-on-Trent. The police station was a few minutes walk from a public toilet, across a park
A flasher was making 'glory-holes' between the ladies and gents and was constantly sticking his willy in and frightening the women. Whenever a woman got to the police station to complain, the flasher would be long gone.
However, one day, a mature lady came to the police station and reported such a flashing incident. The coppers said, 'No point us going, love, he'll be long gone.'
The old dear said, ' No, I think you'll find he's still there.'
When the coppers got there they found the guy, stuck in the gents. The old lady, it transpired, had whipped out a hat pin at the crucial moment and stuck it right through the flasher's pride and joy.
I bet that brought a tear to his eyes.... | Bravo!
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 28th September 2006 | Good effort Talisman, very droll.
Rgds
Givitsum | Later on tonight I might be in the toile
Written by andybyers (176 comments posted) 1st August 2007 | Good grief.  I’m seriously backlogged on my news, I guess.
I found the satire funny for one reason that most of you probably wouldn’t: a difference in the way some words are used on either side of the Pond. I’ve noticed that in British parlance it’s not unusual to refer to the entire stall or even room of the convenience as the “toilet”, whereas in North America (at least in my experience), the word refers literally to the porcelain appliance itself (the area around it being the washroom, bathroom, restroom, or less euphonically, “the can”). The word “toilet” is slightly off-colour here, and so referring to someone as being “in the toilet” would have a rather more literal meaning… the only times I can think of when it would be applicable are occasions after I’ve had way too much rum or rye and it all wants back out again… which is why I found the expression amusing. To say someone is “in the toilet” is, to our ears, rather like referring to someone in a car as being “in the steering wheel”.
There, wasn’t that a hoot? I bet it was. | Lol...
Written by Dark_Angel (53 comments posted) 13th September 2007 | | Man... I agree with the "over the pond" statement... but this was still funny shit... |
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