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Poetry


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Bound to Life

By ellipinnock

25 September 2006

rubbish title, not sure about the poem. Comments appreciated.

I tumble through anxious dreams
Waiting, searching
For sense, for meaning.
I am undone.
I feel so small,
So insignificant
Against the vastness.

Grey smoke
Wreathing around my ankles.
Tendrils of fire
Coiling after.
I smell the soft, sensuous
Stench of corruption.
Dark fruits rotting
Grey and black.

My spirit yearns to soar
Above the struggle
And the pain endured
Trudging along
This mortal coil.
I am shackled tight,
Bound by my own ego
To the cut and thrust
And stab of life.

Self-indulgent pity.
Curse of Man.
Curse of Me.
I must walk
In my own shadow
Until I learn to be
Both more and less
Than what I am
And yet-here’s the rub
Not to give a damn.

Reviews

Pass me the anti depressants!
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th September 2006

Left me thinking - so by any measure - success. But don't make me think lke this too often. It's not good for me.

Really liked this. You certainly created a very dark place in the first two verses and then explored them thereafter. Some very effective images.

Great interjection - eg) I am undone. - Sets a tone for the whole piece.

All the best,

Phil.

Powerful !
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 25th September 2006

This is good stuff, thought provoking and meaningful.

The slightly confused feelings you examine cause the reader to look inwardly.

Two small criticisms,

(1) Not a great idea to use other poets lines, e.g. "mortal coil" and "here's the rub" both borrowed from the same Shakespeare soliloqy (The to sleep perchance to dream one in Hamlet).

(2) Can something be soft and sensuous and have a "stench" at the same time?

These are fairly (or unfairly?) trivial points on a piece that I genuinely enjoyed reading. But I usually do enjoy your stuff Elli!

Oli

Phil and Oli
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 26th September 2006

Thanks to both for your comments, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Oli-

Re thieving

I know I kinda chucked Shakespeare's lines in absent mindedly...am planning on replacing those phrases, it's just now they're there I'm having trouble thinking of something better!

Re corruption I was trying ot get at the idea that corruption isn't always easy to recognise and something can appear beautiful on the outside whilst crumbling beneath

Ta

Elli

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