|
By brook_rivers
|
|
26 September 2006 |
For the first time you take my hand
And I respond I catch that look in your eye So familiar but yet so new
You are different
I know what to expect, but not from you
Slowly, gradually I being to understand
The second time around
Will it be better because of experience Or weakened by failure |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 26th September 2006 | I like this; it captures the feeling of new love nicely. I'm not a fan of the last two lines- they lack the simplicity and innocence of the rest of the piece. I would replace them with something that fits the poem better. Good work though  | Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 26th September 2006 | Actually, I liked the last two lines. They add a broader appeal to your piece. Up until then it was very individual. These lines open it up to your readers. Gutterkitty is right, it captures the feeling of new love well; 'though it's been a long time and I hope I never have to be there again. All the best, Phil. | Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 27th September 2006 | Thanks for both your comments!!! Its interesting to see your opposite viewpoints! Brook |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |