Faction. Hi I’m Sam.
There are certain places that I have to visit, that I dread having to go to. Old Folk’s Homes are one, Slaughter Houses are another but Hospices are the worst.
However my heart sunk when I found that I’d to visit a Hospice that specialised in Children with life threatening conditions, i.e. they would not lead long or/and happy lives.
On arrival I was faced with an entry phone, I explained who I was, why I as there and who I was to see. I was instructed to go into reception and then through a door that led into the Hospice, I should sit down and wait for someone to come and see me.
I dreaded coming face to face with any of the children so fortunately there was seemingly nobody about and I sat in a soft arm chair and waited. Then a little voice said “Hello I’m Sam, who are you.” I turned my head to see a child who seemed to be about six or seven but this did not tie up with his voice or his manner.
I answered, “I’m Brian”
Sam asked me, “Have you got a kiddie here? Cos don’t worry It’s really nice here and they’re very kind. I love it here.”
“No Sam, I’m visiting and am just looking at the building.”
“Well Brian, why do you look so sad? You look just like my Dad does when he comes to see me.”
I quickly changed the subject, “How old are you Sam?”
“I’m ten, but I don’t look it do I? I’m not gonna get big or old like you. I heard my Mum say to my Dad that I’d be lucky to make fifteen. You won’t tell her will you? That you know: that I know, will you?”
“No Sam I most certainly won’t”
“Well Brian, I must be off, cos it’s time for my medicine, bye” And off he ran.
An embarrassed looking Admin Waller came out and said, “I’m awfully sorry but the Manager has had to go out and there’s nobody else who can deal with you. Perhaps you’d like to make a new appointment.” I smiled, nodded and left.
A few months later I made a revisit. This time I was shown into the Manager’s Office, she looked a little ashamed. “I’m sorry about last time, but we’d lost three children in the same day, and I couldn’t take it, I just had to go home.”
“Each one of them is precious and if I and my staff can add an extra day to their little lives… can you imagine we lost three in one day. The three sets of parents and me just sat in the “Calm Room” and sobbed our hearts out. One of the Mothers took me home; I was in no fit state to drive.
I changed the subject, “How’s little Sammie?”
“He died a month ago”
I was confused, “But he said he’d make fifteen years.”
She replied, “He did. He was sixteen when he died”
“But he told me he was ten”
“Yes, I know, he told people that he was ten because he was ashamed at being so little.”
Part of me wanted to ask her if she could drive me home because I was in no fit state to drive. Instead I said, “Let’s start the visit in the Calm Room.”
“Good god” she said, “An Insurance man with a heart!”
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Written by Elio (5 comments posted) 28th September 2006 | | I like it. I like your style. I work in the voluntary sector and I sometimes have to write up case studies to be used when raising money. It is very upsetting and I have to distance myself. I can identify with the way Brian feels repelled, not because the children are repelling but because the sadness is over whelming. The trick you pull of is being touching without being sentimental or clichéd. Despite the fact that so little is said about your main character I wanted to know more about him. What happens when he goes home etc. I suppose this is a good sign. Neatly ended too. Well done! | Hi Elio
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 28th September 2006 | And welcomne to GW.
Thank you for your time and comments.
This piece was written "from the heart"
Brian. | Agree with Elio...
Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | | ...what makes this piece so good is how you tell the story, without going over the top with sentimentality. The sadness speaks for itself, and I don't mind admitting that my eyes filled up whilst reading this. | Hi CT
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | Thank you for your time and comments.
This piece is dear to me.
Brian | Powerful
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | The simplicity of this piece makes it all the more harrowing. It's obvious that this means a lot to you, thanks for sharing it.
Elli | Hi EP
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | "thanks for sharing it.2-no thank you for bothering to read and review,
Brian.
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | Moving piece. I don't know how personal this is to you, so I'm not going to say much except pick up on a point Elio made. The fact that we're left wondering about your main character add to the success of the piece. It puts the focus where you want it - and like all good writing, leaves the reader wanting more.
All the best,
Phil. | Hi Phil
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | The Hospice is real, the 1st appointment was abandoned but the rest is fiction.
However Little Sam, is based on a Cystic Fibrosis sufferer.
His Father worked with me and when it was found out that the boy and I were fans of "The Prisoner", we exchanged letters but never met.
My late 2nd wife was a "Lady Almoner" (Medical Social Worker) at a "Cottage Hospital". It was a Hospice for the elderly incurable, provider of respite care for a variety of persons and recovery unit for persons who'd undergone major surgery.
The three in one day is based on a day in her life, I can't remember the details but her office became full of grieving angry relatives of the three dead patients.
She'd burst into tears as they all then did. A delightful Granny drove her home and Granddad followed in our car. They came in and used our phone to let family members know what had happened. I heard Grandad say
"She didn't die alone, the lnice ady Almoner was with her".
So the story is a compote based on those elements.
Brian
| Should have read
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 29th September 2006 | "She didn't die alone, that nice lady Almoner was with her".
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Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 1st October 2006 | A beautiful and moving peice, heavy with sadness but not in any way over the top. So simple, as it spoke for itself. I too welled up, in my own understanding. As hard as it is and as painful these circumstances are, your story makes me want to go out to these children and hug them tight. A very human tale told with such simplicity, yet moved me, and said more, than some most accomplished works could ever hope to. Simplicity mirrored the fact of the matter; that it's simply not fair.
Thanks Brian  | Hi Gill
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 1st October 2006 | Once again thanks for all your thoughtfull comments and your time.
I write for a variety of reasons, but this piece was a crie de coeur, I "well up" when I read it.
I've converted it into a "10 minute play" and posted it on a small Playwrights' Website and I'm delighted to find that it gets a similar response there from Playwrights as it gets from readers here.
It touches peoples' hearts and that was all I aimed to do,
Brian |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 1st October 2006 | A really lovely piece and told without sentimentality or bathos; leaving the reader to feel what they choose.
So often this style can be a bit manipulative but your clear and honest style of telling left space for teh reader's own emotions; which I think is so much more powerful than pouring on the sentiment.
A very subtle and controlled piece
cheers
BBS | Watto BubBles
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 1st October 2006 | Good to see you back, as ever thanks for your time and comments.
Brian |
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