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Poetry
Salt Garden
By francoise
29 September 2006
Im ashamed to say I wrote this about 3 years ago and had originally posted it to what has now been discovered to be a complete scam: Poetry.com. I hope, by placing it here and sharing it with you guys, I can get over the naivety I used to have as a budding poet, and reclaim it as my own. I cant take it off that punishable site, but I can still say its mine.

I never wanted scrutiny in here
My secret garden of words
Shine with silverdew as they push through.
The smell of mummy and daddy
They grow fast as the fury pours down
Once with a love that cannot be denied
Twice with a love that cannot be contested
A love that hits gently

Sometimes stars struggle to keep me upright
Rendered immobile by some crawling nightlife

And the guilt works in the sun
To make sure my roots lie with them.

Reviews
Hi F
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 1st October 2006
Thanks for your review. 
 
The problem with intensely "personal poems" is that they may well have been written to help the author understand their own feelings better. 
 
Communication with others not being the poem's prime objective. "Publication" being almost like an act of confession that is hopefully understood by few who hear it. 
 
Try re-writing it as a "Tanka". 
 
Brian

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 3rd October 2006
I like this a lot. The language is imaginative and conjurs vivid images, but I have to agree with Brian in that it is very difficult to understand. A short introductory piece explaining its content would be helpful!! Good work though :)
Hello Gutterkitty
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 3rd October 2006
The garden represents my refuge, the secrets a child has that parents are never supposed to know about. Its a fantasy world and a form of independence. My parents intruded on this forcing me to confront difficulties I was having at the time with them. I could'nt deny their love; parental love is unconditional but beyond contest too. I am sustained by them but I hate this fact, because i don't want to depend on them to grow. But my fury towards them is also their sustenance to grow, it's seen as my love for them and its a love i can't deny not feeling either. The stars represent my future but it struggles for me, because I feel guilty for wanting to leave (roots/upbringing/home). Hope that somehow explains it all! I can see the poem has faults, but Its been interesting to put it out there! 
Thankyou for your comments. 
 
Francoise
hmm
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 11th December 2006
seems to be about growing up, I find it captivating in a calm sort of way.  
 
love the line "Sometimes stars struggle to keep me upright" 
 
feel like I can empathise with this, not sure why, but it's really well written 
 
good stuff :)  
 
clo x

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