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For Children
Jack The Bear
By ellie-jelly
30 September 2006
Here I am, sitting in my chair
Oh no , what's that..oh my it's a bear!
So I get off the chair and run away
But the bear stops me and has this to say:
"Where are you going, please come back"
"Let me introduce myself, my name is Jack."
So I stop running and stop to a holt
Oh wow a bear talking, it gave me a jolt.
So he gave me hug and we had a nice chat
Turns out poor Jack is really scared of hats.
So we talk for hours of many things
And many a song do we end up singing.
So the time comes when he has to go
"I'll see you later" Jack does crow.
So I wave goodbye and sit back in my chair
Looking forward to the next time I chat with Jack the Bear.

Reviews
Rhyme
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 1st October 2006
A sweet and friendly poem, telling a nice story, but... I'm not sure if some of the lines actually rhyme...

Written by ellie-jelly (15 comments posted) 1st October 2006
yes, I did become lazy trying to find a word that rhymes with things. I think that's the only troubling line, unless there's another.
Good
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 13th October 2006
Your rhyming is doing well, but the rhythm is a bit out, if you don't mind my saying. Try clapping in rhythm when you read it back to yourself - then it's quite easy. Rather like a song. It is difficult. I often think of a song when I write, as I think you know. You will recognize a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan in my "Insomnia". (cheating) ha ha.

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