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Poetry
can't think of a title yet
By francoise
01 October 2006
A look at the destructive nature of passion and how it can invade faith, sincerity and friendship. Written during a one-hour car journey. any advice on technique would be grateful, and will gladly explain it if it there's a fellow poet out there who hasn't a clue what I'm drivelling on about (as with my previous works!)


However much your feelings may soar,
Stall them.
Feed them with fresh cuttings of friendship,
Lay them down in wreathes of common sense,
Intertwine them with kind gestures
But don't let them fall into something so deep,
so enticing as a senseless slumber.
Free them.
Into the open pastures of conversation.
Give them them only the firm ground
and oaky warmth of restraint 
And without the sweat of passion on your brow.
But steer them.
Because you know at the end of the day
They are no match
for the hearts stronger breed

Reviews

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 1st October 2006
I got it this time. Hurrah for me! - Except for the last line. What are the hearts stronger breed? 
 
I liked the first two lines. They had an arresting feel to them. The rest of the poem read a little like a recipe. This is not a criticism, just an observation. I quite liked the pulse of the piece. Some of the punctuation is a little erratic which brought me to a halt once or twice. 
 
On a personal note: I think you should let go your feelings. What else is it but to be human? 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
hello Phil
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 1st October 2006
You got it! I'll drink to that :)
In the last line i was trying to say that the heart holds feelings far stronger and unguarded. I see the heart as a powerful keeper of stronger "animals" the strongest being passion and desire. Thats why its better to know how to seperate it from our gentler feelings. Yes we are human and sometimes it is better to let it all out! But in certain situations, its really best not to.  
Hey it does sound like a bloomin recipe! Im not sure if i wanted it to sound like that! and yes, the punctuation is erratic... i must focus focus focus... 
 
thankyou for your thoughts Phil 
 
Francoise.
Hi
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 1st October 2006
Must you try to keep apart, 
The fierce and gentle passion. 
For both spring from the heart, 
In often balanced ration. 
Vigour that conceived the child, 
Becomes caring, gentle, mild. 
Both from the heart freely spring 
They're just sides of the same thing.
UNLEASH YOUR CREATIVITY!
Written by JohnnyD (106 comments posted) 2nd October 2006
HI there! 
 
Honestly, you have so much more to give but as your first line says to stall your feelings, you have done just that. A poet is one who let his / her feelings to soar high without any reigns to control them. By unleashing your creativity (feelings) you will learn how to create beautiful masterpieces... so unleash it and soar high!!!! 
 
Johnny D 
johnnyd@johnny-d.com

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