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Extended Work
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| Confessions of a site secretary - part 11 | |
| By teddy | ||||||||||
| 01 October 2006 | ||||||||||
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As usual, comments most appreciated. ‘That’s it, madam,’ Tina put her foot down when she finally managed to sneak into my room later that evening, ‘I’ve had enough of this. Now listen to me carefully, if you don’t care what happens to you, that’s fair enough, you’re an adult, you don’t need looking after, but you should think about that.’ she said pointing to my swollen tummy. ‘What do you think this will do to the baby? When you decided to keep this child you’ve assumed a responsibility that will last for the rest of your life, I warned you before, you can’t just take it on only when it suits you. So get your act together, girl, and move your bottom downstairs to the kitchen. You’re gonna sit down with Craig and me and have a decent dinner. And a proper chat.’ I looked at her in distress. She was right, how could I be so selfish? The thought of causing harm to my little baby brought tears in my eyes. ‘Oh, Adi,’ Tina mellowed down ‘what’s wrong?’ By the time she sat down on the bed next to me I was already loudly crying my eyes out. She hugged me warmly. ‘Com’on, Adi, talk to me. Tell me, what’s been bothering you? I know it must be difficult but you’re not on your own. We’ll go through this, you’ll see.’ I wished I could talk to Tina, tell her about Paul and Mark, what a deceitful cunning cow I’d been and how much I deserved everything that’d been happening to me. She’d always been my rock. Only that that time I couldn’t. ‘Cos she’d been appalled. ‘You’re either with someone or you’re not.’ her principles are straightforward. ‘If you feel that there’s in no point in sticking around then pack your bags and leave. But don’t mess about. ‘Cos you’re only gonna hurt the person next to you and ultimately yourself.’ I wished things were really that simple. A knock in the door made Tina move. Craig stuck his head in. ‘Adi, there’s someone here to see you.’ he said. It was George. ‘I’m sorry I’ve come announced. I tried to ring Adi few times but she didn’t answer her phone so I got a bit worried.’ George apologised for his late visit.’ Is she alright?’ ‘She’s feeling a bit down at the moment. Come in, George, come and sit down.’ Tina stood up and offered him her place next to me. ‘I don’t really know what’s wrong with her ‘cos she’s not saying much. Maybe she’d talk to you.’ Now, any other time I would’ve got really stroppy hearing people talking about me as if I wasn’t there. That evening I felt so miserable already that I couldn’t really be bothered. ‘I leave you to it then.’ Tina said heading for the door. ‘George, stay and have dinner with us.’ she added just before walking out of the room. ‘Thanks, but I don’t really want to…’ George tried to politely refuse. ‘Please do.’ Tina didn’t let him finish his excuse. ‘Maybe you can convince her to eat something. She skipped dinner last night and, by the look of it, she’s planning to do the same this evening.’ ‘Oh, ok,’ if it was to help Adi of course he will stay. Poor George, I really wondered how he puts up with me and my moods sometime. At that point my nose was in desperate need of a tissue but I didn’t dare removing the tightly clutched pillow that was covering my front including face. I moved backwards until my back touched the bed’s headboard making sure that the pillow followed. George kept quiet for few moments listening to my exasperatingly noisy sniffing before offering me the desired item. ‘Do you want a tissue?’ he kindly asked. He took the up and down movement of the pillow as a yes. ‘There you go.’ I heard him pulling one from the box on the side cabinet. He then slipped it into my hand. ‘Has anyone upset you, Adi?’ he lured me into talking to him. ‘No.’ the pillow shook a horizontal negation. ‘Ok, is it something to do with Paul then?’ he patiently tried again. He probably knew that Paul was the only one that could’ve possibly brought me into that state. ‘Yes.’ the pillow nodded. ‘Ok, let’s talk about it then.’ he gently removed the fluffy object from my arms. I needed to poor my heart out to someone and to whom else if not George. So I told him, about Paul and Louise, the scene in the pub, basically about everything. The only minor detail I left out was the kissing attempt Mark and I had. I wasn’t proud about it and I didn’t think George would’ve been too impressed either. ‘I don’t really know why I react like this, I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.’ I finished the confession helplessly looking at him. ‘It’s understandable, Adi, you can’t get rid of your feelings over night. It takes time.’ George sympathised. ‘Yeah, but it’s been months now since….’ ‘Sometime it takes years, trust me. Eventually you’ll have to let him go. You’re so young, Adi, one day you’ll find someone else then things will get so much easier, you’ll see.’ I wasn’t too sure about that. How could I possibly be with anyone else after Paul? It didn’t sound plausible. ‘All you have to do now is to concentrate on the most important one in your life, the baby.’ ‘I know.’ I agreed feeling sorrowed, my little baby deserved better than this. That moment I promised myself that I will never ever let anyone or anything mess up our lives again. We sat quiet for a while, George most probably thinking of what a pain in the arse I could be sometime and me worrying about the same thing really. ‘Did you paint that, Adi?’ he asked few moments later looking at the painting hung above my desk. ‘Yeah, why? Do you like it?’ ‘I do actually. I think it’s very good, it looks very, how can I say it, lively?’ That was something I painted years ago after my first trip to Oxford Street. The hasty bags overloaded shoppers, yappy office workers, a couple cuddling against a wall, but mainly the stroppy cyclist gesturing a rude message to the black cab driver behind him were trying to picture an animated scene indeed. ‘There’s something I can’t understand, Adi, you’re obviously very talented and spent so much time and effort studying arts, how come you ended up working on a building site?’ he looked at me curious. I smiled. By then, my eyes were already dried up and George’s attempt to divert the attention from my troubles was more than welcome. ‘Well, that’s a different story.’ ‘Go on, try me.’ he tempted me. That was indeed another story. At the time of my fine arts course graduation I was already loaded up with lots of high hopes and enthusiastic ambitions. ‘You’re very good, Adi, I really like your style, it’s so vibrant and unpredictable, you ought to succeed.’ my latest tutor had always encouraged me. I was, however, soon to realise that there were other thousands like me out there, all eager to convince the world that their talents deserve to be acknowledged and praised. With all the bouncy drive and huge effort I poured into knocking in the most desired doors I couldn’t get any further than the odd items sold on e-bay, few to acquaintances and friends and, well, ok, I did manage to persuade one or two firms to stimulate their office workers’ mood with some of my colourful canvases. That was about it. At the time I met Alan I was already depressingly convinced that I would never manage to make a bloody living out of my artworks, let alone getting recognised as a valuable artist. And I was also in desperate need of a job, no matter how supportive Tina and Craig had been I couldn’t really abuse their generosity, could I? ‘Go and get change’ Tina said on a Friday evening fed up with my miserable face exposure all over the house. ‘We’re going out tonight.’ ‘No, thanks, I’ll stay in.’ I refused her offer of cheering me up. ‘I don’t feel like going anywhere.’ ‘Listen, girl, I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Com’on,’ she rushed me with a quick clap of her hands, ‘off you go, be ready in half an hour.’ There’s no point in arguing with Tina. When she’s got something into her head then that’s it, you have to move along with it. ‘Hello, gorgeous.’ a pair of glittering blue eyes were smiling at me an hour later as I was waiting for our drinks at the bar inside our local. ‘Where have you landed from? I haven’t seen around here before.’ I don’t know if it was the crap typical chat up line, spiky hair or his twinkling face that made me smile back a ‘Hiya.’. Minutes later we were talking as we’d known each other for ages. ‘I wondered where you disappeared with our drinks….thought you must’ve gone home .’ I heard a grumpy Tina complaining from behind. ‘Gosh, you’re not wasting your time, girl, are you?’ she carried on eyeing Alan from head to toe. ‘Tina, this is Alan, Alan, this is Tina.’ I felt necessary to make the introductions. ‘Hiya.’ Tina’s face shrugged a quick smirk at him and then turned back towards me. ‘Now give me the drinks, the girls’ in other words, her friends ‘are thirsty,…. and you can stay here for as long as you please. ‘ she sneered again, this time at me. ‘Don’t disappear anywhere without telling me though.’ ‘Yeah, ok, now bugger off.’ I grinned back at her After she left we carried on talking without a care in the world. When I attended the lou ten minutes later I kept pulling funny cheerful faces in the mirror: after few months of emotional, and not only, abstinence it looked like I might have just found some potential candidate worth of my attention. And it’d only taken me a trip down to the local pub. And that was all thanks to Tina. ‘So, Adi, what do you do?’ the inevitable question popped up not long after I got back. ‘Well, ..’ I started telling him my failing artist depressing story. ‘You’re joking, aren’t you?’ he opened his eyes wide after I finished. ‘I’m working for an art events organiser myself…how cool is that!’ ‘Oh, cut the crap, will you?’ I kind of threw him a sceptical look. ‘I like you already, can’t you see it?’ However, when he started talking about Cezanne and Delaunay, about cubism as the art movement that revolutionised the beginning of the twentieth century and its major influence in contemporary arts, mentioning Picasso and Braque as its main innovators, I got rather dumbfounded: he was definitely no stranger to the world of arts. Later on, after the closing time bell rang for the last time, we sealed the next day date arrangements with a little innocent kiss. ‘This can’t be a coincidence.’ I dreamt with my eyes open later that night tucked up in bed ‘this must be destiny.’ Alan lived just up the road from Walthamstow, in Chingford, so we pretty much managed to see each other every other night for about two weeks when we finally decided to take things to the next level. ‘Adi, why don’t come around mine tomorrow night? I can cook you dinner and then we can just relax in front of the telly with a nice bottle of wine, what do you think?’ Hmmm, was it gonna be just that? …didn’t really think so, it did sound very tempting though. ‘Sure, I’d really like to.’ my face got crossed by a big jolly smile from one side to the other. So, the next evening, there we were, sitting around the dinner table in Alan’s modern decorated lounge. ‘Mmmm, you’re a very good cook.’ I praised Alan’s efforts after devouring another crispy roast potato. ‘Thanks.’ he smiled at me timidly. ‘What’s wrong with him?’ I wondered. He didn’t seem at ease at all, I could see that by the way he was restlessly rubbing his bum from side to side of the chair he was sitting in. Plus, his plate was staying nearly untouched. ‘Something wrong, Alan?’ I asked him. ‘No, no.’ he tried to reassure me that everything was ok. ‘Com’on, Alan, what is it? I can see that something’s bothering you so you’d better tell me. He kept staring at his plate. ‘Ok, ….errmmm, …I must confess something.’ ‘Go on then, I’m listening.’ I prepared myself for the bad news whatever they might have been. ‘I lied about my job, I’m actually a construction, well, a site manager.’ his eyes finally let me contemplate the guilt they were hosting. I looked at him confused. I didn’t know what to say. At first I felt angry, of course, I mean, I don’t really like people lying to me like that, but then again, looking at his little troubled face, I got quite amused. Well, I’d never really taken his promises to help me with my paintings very serious anyway. First time he mentioned it I was taken by surprise. ‘But you haven’ even seen my work.’ I told him when he offered to sneak some of it right in the middle of an exhibition they were about to organise. ‘I don’t need to, I’m sure they’re just as beautiful as you are.’ he affectionately kissed my hand across the table while having a drink in my local. Hmmm, that wasn’t very encouraging, I wasn’t sure if I actually liked the idea. I mean, com’on, how can you bloody judge someone’s work by the way they look, eh? Now that was stupid and obviously not very professional I thought, but then half an hour later I forgot about the whole thing all together. Anyway, that evening in his flat I decided to let him boil in his own juice for a while so I kept the upset face on. ‘Why did you that for?’ I kind of raised my voice while gathering my eyebrows together. ‘I dunno, it just came out, I suppose I wanted to impress you, Adi, I mean, you were very friendly but, when I heard you talking about your artwork and ambitions I didn’t think I’d stand a chance so I thought, well, if I told you that, it might do the trick for me.‘ ‘You’re an idiot, you are.’ I let a little smile softened the expression on my face. ‘I’ve liked you right from the beginning, there was no need for that. How come you know so much about arts anyway? I’m sure they didn’t teach you about Michelangelo and his Sistine chapel as part of your construction training course. He smiled. His mum was an arts teacher. So he spent a quite considerable part of his childhood dragged through museums, theatres and arts exhibitions. Listening to Chopin, having Rodin and Mercie as main conversation subjects at the diner table was part of the daily routine. ‘Oh, I see.’ I sympathised. ‘You’re quite good at it though, well, you definitely fooled me. Maybe you should start thinking about a career change.’ ‘No thanks.’ he looked at me unimpressed by my suggestion. ‘Listen, Adi, I know I can’t help you in your line of work, but, if you really need a job, I can have a word with Ken, our contracts manager. I know he was looking for a girl for one of his sites.’ ‘To do what?’ I asked unconvinced. I mean, anything else, but I couldn’t really see myself working on a construction site. ‘Well, bits and pieces, paper work basically. It’s not hard, you’d pick it up quickly. At least that would bring some money in your pocket.’ I didn’t know what to say. I really needed a job but, then again, was that the right one for me? ‘Oh ok, I’ll think about it and let you know.’ Although I forgave him for his little lie I somehow felt that the evening was spoilt. ‘I’m not hungry anymore.’ I said to him. ‘I’d rather go home now. Listen, Tina and Craig are going away next weekend, why don’t you come around mine on Saturday?’ I suggested. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’ his reply was. ‘Oh ok. Why’s that?’ I asked. I thought I was entitled to, at the end of the day he was my boyfriend. Looking at him I could still see that guilty feeling in his eyes. Was there anything else he had to tell me? Of course there was. ‘My wife and kids are coming home next week.’ ‘What?’ I jumped off my seat this time. ‘Is this some kind of sick joke?’ ‘I’m really sorry, Adi, I was meant to tell you…’ ‘You were meant to tell me?’ I went into an instant rage ‘you weren’t supposed to ask me out in the first place, you bloody bastard.’ I picked up my bag and headed for the door. He tried to obstruct the exit. ‘Adi, please, don’t leave like that.’ he grabbed my hands. ‘Get out of my way.’ I shouted. He didn’t listen so my shoe reached for his ankle. ‘Ouch! Why did you do that one for? It hurt.’ he complained rubbing the injured part with one hand. ‘Good. It’d hurt even more if you don’t move.’ I think he realised by the expression on my face that I wasn’t joking. ‘Adi, Adi…’ I heard him shouting behind me as I was rushing down the stairs. For the next few days he kept ringing me. I had nothing else to say to him so I didn’t bother to pick up the phone. On Tuesday he sent me a message: ‘Sorry for everything, Really, really like you. Spoken with Ken. Waiting for you to call him to arrange interview if you still want that job. Alan xxx.’ ‘Get lost.’ I said at first but the longer I thought about it the more I knew I needed a job. So on Wednesday morning I rang Ken. ‘Oh, Adi, hi.’ he let me know that he was expecting my call. ‘can you come and see me this afternoon?’ ‘Of course.’ I agreed. Well, I had nothing else better to do. The interview was, hmmm, different from what I knew that one should be. ‘Come in, sit down.’ the heavily welsh accent forty and something years old guy, - he was in fact ten years older I found out later - asked me. His scrutinising looks made me feel quite nervous. He seemed pleased with what he saw anyway. ‘So, Adi’ he asked ‘have you been working on a building site before?’ ‘Errmmm… no, not really.’ I told him the truth. ‘Oh ok.’ he carried on, ‘can you use a computer?’ ‘Of course.’ I replied. I mean, com’on, everyone can use a computer these days. ‘Great. And you’re alright with answering the phone and dealing with people and all that, aren’t you?’ ‘I suppose, yeah.’ ‘Not a big deal, is it?’ I kind of looked at him. ‘Brilliant. Ok, now I need you to fill in some forms. When you’ll finish, I’ll give you the site address and a map so you can find your way there easily. On Monday morning you’ll report to Mark Taylor. He’s the site manager you’ll be working with. Mark’s alright but I have to warn you, he does swear a lot. Well, you’ll find out that that’s quite common on a building site. You’ll get used to it, don’t worry, in a few weeks time, you’ll probably be just as bad as the others.’ he joked. ‘So that was it, the following Monday I had my first encounter with Mark and the Beaurex site.’ I looked at George’s amused face. ’I didn’t think I’d last long but I actually quite enjoyed it there, it was different from all the other few jobs I had until then.’ ‘Hmmm’ George said smiling, ‘that’s indeed rather interesting. And, have you heard from that Alan since? ‘Errrmmm... well, I did send him a message after I got the job just to say thanks. That was it.’ I thought I’d give Alan some credit for helping me out and divulging his marital status before getting me into his bed. ‘Adi, George, dinner’s ready.’ we heard Tina shouting from downstairs. ‘Come on, let’s go.’ George helped me to get up. ‘I’m starving.’ I smiled. ‘Are you really? Or you’re just trying to convince me to have something to eat?’ ‘Listen, Adi,’ he stroked my hair before leaving the room, ‘you’re a very brave girl. And you’ve got such a lovely family around you. And I’m here as well. You’ll be alright, trust me.’ ‘I know. And thanks for being such a good friend, George.’ I gave him a big hug. He gently kissed the top of my head. What would I have done without him?
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