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By BrianRobertNeal
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02 October 2006 |
I wanted to edit my review. Must you try to keep apart, The fierce and gentle passion? Surely both come from the heart, In often balanced ration. Vigour that conceived the child, Becomes caring, gentle, mild. Both from the heart freely spring Aren't they sides of the same thing? |
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 2nd October 2006 | Well said! I felt the poems flow of words jolted abit in the second line of the second verse, but apart from that you put your point across wonderfully. My poem was written from a cynics perspective of passion i guess.
| Hi F
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd October 2006 | Verse 2 line 2 is poor and I must re-write, my only excuse is that the poem was written impromptu.
I deliberately changed the rhyme pattern from ABAB to AABB to mark the change from general to specific
I'm glad that you took it in the manner it was offered, others would have taken offence.
One of the joys of a Writers' Website is getting a rapport with fellow webbers,
Brian. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 2nd October 2006 | Liked it Brian. I'm with you on the sentiment.
Second line, second verse:
Becomes devoted, caring, mild.
Just a suggestion.
All the best,
Phil. | Hi Phil
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd October 2006 | It's better but one beat too many-each line has seven beats.
Thanks for your thoughts and time,
Brian |
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