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Poetry
You Should Not Be What I Want
By gutterkitty
03 October 2006
This was written on the subject of forbidden love (excuse the cliché!). I have been a fan of ancient Greek mythology since childhood, and the girl in the piece happened to share the name of my favourite goddess, Artemis, or Diana. Tell me if you think the idea works.

You should not be what I want.
You whom I chose, my favourite of the gods,
as folds of white linen, I breathed in your scent
from the pages of a book, and fell in love.

I did not know that I would meet you,
You were meant to stay hidden
in the temple of my mind.
But there you were on the playground one day,
and I tried to shout, "You should not be what I want!"
but your hair caught in my mouth,
and buried me in your scent.
and all I could think of was laying a rose,
and gifts in brown paper at your altar.

Diana, I do not want to worship
your marble skin, as you kiss my cheek.
My love is promised to another,
one of flesh, who is warm to me.

Goddesses should not shine so brightly
in the corner of the eye.
They should be taught to be ugly, and locked behind pillars.
I will burn your altar down
and pray the smoke does not carry your perfume.
I should not be kissing marble.
My back should not be sore from bowing when you pass by,
trying to read the myths in the footprints you do not leave.
You are too pretty to; your head is in the stars.

Reviews
...
Written by rilLie (324 comments posted) 3rd October 2006
nice poem.. it's thought-provoking and wonderful... i do like greek mythology as well. 
 
-rilLie

Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 3rd October 2006
I found myself really drawn into this. Really liked the last four lines of the second part. 
 
This may be me, so other reviews will be interesting: I found the last line disappointing. I might be misreading though. 
 
Overall, lovely. 
 
Phil.

Written by devscribbler (10 comments posted) 4th October 2006
It reminded me of `Upon Reading Chapman's Homer'. 
Keep writing. You have a good style and should keep on developing it. :)

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 4th October 2006
thank you for your comments, rilLie, Phil and devscribbler. I was worried about posting this piece so it's lovely to receive such positive reviews :)  
 
Phil- I can understand that you might find the last line disappointing, as it's very abrupt, but that's one of the reasons I chose it. The piece just led there! Do you think it would be better if I left it out altogether? 
 
devscribbler- thanks for your encouragement, I really appreciate it. I haven't heard of "Upon Reading Chapman's Homer", I would love details as I recently studied the Odyssey and I thought it was wonderful.

Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 4th October 2006
I found this poem improved as it went along and the last stanza was the best. I nearly always agree with Phil's reviews so i simply echo what he has said. I don't think the last line should be left out altogether, but perhaps develop it into something a bit softer. A lovely idea and read :)

Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Forbidden love? Do tell who provided the mortal inspiration for this lovely poem! 
 
It would seem that little is forbidden these days. Wasn't Diana the hunter's godess?  
 
I liked the poem - I don't want to pick it apart and say one line works better than another. I would rather say - its nice, its what you felt at the time, let it be as it is, write more. 
 
Oli

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 4th October 2006
thanks Gill and Talisker :) Your comments are really encouraging.  
 
Talisker- Diana's main talent was for the hunt. She was a virgin goddess; there is a tale that when she was young her father, Zeus, agreed to grant her one boon, and she asked that he never make her marry. I much admired her for this when I was a child! 
The person in the poem is a girl I fell for when I was in high school. She was beautiful and talented (though not at hunting!) and one of those someones you know you should not love.

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