Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Compartments
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1750 guests online and 6 members online
Poetry
Compartments
By devscribbler
04 October 2006
This is about trains, random thoughts and random timetables


Chugging along
Sulkily
Parallel thoughts
Flitter in and out
Of their respective compartments

And all this time
I am
Hanging on for dear life
From a not-so-flexible
Leather strap

All around me
Damp shirts and hot sweat
Mouldy breath and dank body odour
Engage me in close combat

Everyday
For twice
I go through
This untimely hell

Though, sometimes
The trains run on time...

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 5th October 2006
I quite like this, but for me, it read entirely like prose. As such, it needs a little development. Also, and this is probably just me, a little punctuation would not go amiss. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th October 2006
I found this had an interesting 'back and forth' rhythm. I enjoyed it very much although Phil's right, a little punctuation might be a good thing. I also wasn't sure about 'for twice' as a phrase. 
 
Well done 
 
Elli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item