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Jazz
By coosh
04 October 2006
God, I hate reviewers. Sorry, I mean -


Tikka Massalis

Opium Cellar, Tewkesbury

After an inexplicable fifteen year absence, Tikka Massalis made a welcome return to the UK last night with his unambiguous translucent blend of elegiac gastro-funk and experimental Senegalese-Icelandic fusion. Smiling graciously at a wide-eyed audience, he slid quickly into the exorbitantly minimalist strains of “Gorgonzola Tortellini” before moving up-tempo to the probingly, high-octane groove of an all-to-familiar urban “Saratoga Chicken”.


Like a pair of well-worn trainers that surprise and exhilarate you at every turn, Massalis presented his new saxophonical addition, Shaman (Fish Stew, St. Louis, 1973), proving, if proof were needed, that there is only one genuine underlying theme to his new album: music.


Massalis strutted incandescently over a chord-retentive pizzicato, delicately harpooning the espadrille-like enigma of Shaman’s eclectic semibreves, pausing only for a matter of seconds to cup his ear and listen to the pervading high-pitched hum of the air conditioner. And the audience nodded approvingly.


Warm applause greeted the rare guest appearance of Latino percussion scatmeister Anta, flown in from his hospital bed in Moenchengladbach, to play his solitary quintessential trademark triangle note on the age-old, neo-classical rhapsody “Faustus’s Baby”. There was no mistaking the genuine article. The Beast is back.


Smiles rippled through the dedicated onlookers as Massalis eased his slithering tongue unexpectedly into the crocheted rhythm of “White Poodle in a Harlem Speakeasy”, before tripping an idiosyncratic light fantastic into the cymbal-fuelled climax of “Catfish Shampoo”, which erupted long and high into the intoxicating, sweet-scented Gloucestershire evening air. Truncated only by the police raid.


The show continues in Pudsey on Tuesday.

Reviews
?....
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Wonderful stuff Coosh. I`ve been trying to book this man for years but our District Council frown on anything Neo-Gothic with Mujahadin undertones. Obviously Gloucestershire and Yorkshire are far more progressive... 
 
happy writing 
Woody

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Thank you, Woody. It could be Lord Lucan, I've heard. Never having been to either county, I'm afraid you'll have to turn to others to enlighten you...
Hmmmmm nice
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 4th October 2006
I think you captured the psuedo-intellectual bollocks of the jazz world perfectly. It made me smile and reminded me of being forced to listen to a jazz CD waiting for one special note, a double inverted minor seventh. I think I dozed off and missed it 
Great parody, I could almost believe if was real 
cheers 
BBS

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Many thanks, BBS. That conjures up a great image of someone being handcuffed to a radiator next to a stereo. Mind you, double-inverted minor seventh, eh? A rare experience on a par with the excitement of an eclipse.
Hits the spot...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Lovely business, David. 
 
Just on the right side of OTT. 
 
My fondest compliments to you. 
 
Slan!

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 4th October 2006
...and mine to you. Thank you very much, Gerard.
Clapham Junction ........
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 4th October 2006
 
....... was my Uni tutor's name for the chord build upon the fourth inversion of the subtonic in the scale, which I suppose is as near as dammit the same thing as a double-inverted minor seventh 
[in the key of C major = Bb - D - F - Ab , with Ab on the BASS (or lowest "voice")] 
 
The reason? As he said, "From Clapham Junction you should theoretically be able to go ANYWHERE in the UK - in other words, it doesn't matter what chord follows this! :grin :eek

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Enjoyed this very much. Different to the other posts on here so far. Not as in your face. As BBS says, almost believable.  
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Many thanks, Phil.

Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 4th October 2006
Yup, well done coosh, straight from the top drawer this one. You really should get over to see Yorkshire and Gloucestershire, after all, that's where our Pete and our Fred come from respectively, which that speaks for itself. 
 
Best Rgds 
 
Givitsum 
 
PS Thx for the reviews.

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 5th October 2006
Many thanks, Givitsum. I've told the wife we're cancelling Mustique and doing a serial killer tour of Great Britain instead. 
 

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 5th October 2006
Bagheera. Please thank your Uni tutor for explaining why I have been tone deaf all these years. I'd always wrongly assumed you could theoretically get from anywhere to anywhere else in the UK. Drumnadrochit must be platform 17.
Theory's one thing .........
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 5th October 2006
 
........ but I think Drumnadrochit is served from the same Platform as Hogwarts ........ :grin ;)
Bonza
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 6th October 2006
Sadly, there proably are some very earnest young jazz musiians out there perfecting their 'translucent blend of elegiac gastro-funk and experimental Senegalese-Icelandic fusion'. It's a strange world we live in :) 
 
Great 
 
Elli
Jazz?
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 6th October 2006
Its only a blues quartet thrown down a staircase. 
 
Catfish Shampoo? Nice...... 
 
Oli

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 6th October 2006
Thank you Elli, it's the earnest reviewers I worry about. 
 
 
... and Oli.. absolutely, "Catfish Shampoo", because I'm worth it. 
And again
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 21st May 2008
Just came across this in the blue box and read it again, and just wanted to say how much I enjoyed it.The parody was pitch perfect and cruelly funny 
Made me realise that we haven't heard from you for a while, or perhaps you have been posting and just perfected the art of instant removal. I'm tying not to blink when I log into the comedy forum in case I miss one of yours 
jane

Written by Mr_E_Writer (217 comments posted) 21st May 2008
I must thank Bottleblondesurfer for reviving this piece of work. Fabulous stuff! 
 
I just wish I could get hold of one of his CD's, as an unambiguous translucent blend of elegiac gastro-funk and experimental Senegalese-Icelandic fusion sounds right up my strasse. 
 
Splendid. 
 
Cheers, 
Eric. 
Splendid!
Written by Katanga (1508 comments posted) 21st May 2008
I think this thoroughly deserves all the splendid reviews above - I've got the helpless giggles, so will have to end my review here! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

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