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The solution to Muslim Ghettos |
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By Snodlander
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05 October 2006 |
Yesterday I saw a hoarding about a politician pledging to get rid of Muslim ghettos. "That's clever," I thought, "How are you going to do that?"
Erm... the following is meant to be satirical, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author, so that's all right then. The solution to Muslim ghettos
Mr William 'just call me Bill' Arbothnot-Smythe yesterday announced his party's solution to the present polarisation of British society on religious and cultural grounds. "Too many immigrants are coming into this country and forming ghettos, yes, I said 'ghettos', in this fair land of ours. My father fought a war against a regime that deliberately split its citizens into ghettos during World War II. I am not prepared to allow his sacrifice, and the sacrifice of so many Great British Heroes, to have been made in vain.
"Now don't get me wrong. I am not equating immigrants with Nazis. I would have no problem with that per se. But if they live in Muslim communities, talking Muslim with each other and only subscribing to the Muslim channels on Sky, how do we know whether they are sensibly right wing or sneaky left-wingers?
"So when we think it will win us the most votes, we will embark on a policy of integrating Johhny Foreigner with the rest of us. Those now living in their own little ghetto will be re-located to corner shops through-out the country. Our pledge for the next election will be 'A Muslim family on every corner'." He added that his own constituency would regretable be exempted from this as "we don't eat curry much".
On the logistics of moving a part of the population wholesale Mr Arbothnot-Smythe said that lessons had been learned on a recent fact-finding tour of the Balkans. "This is not ethnic cleansing", he said, "this is ethnic relocation."
On the houses vacated by such a move his plan is to turn them into open prisons. "Obviously we can't expect decent English people to move in, so we shall convert these estates into open prisons to help relieve an already overburdened prison service."
If families refused to move, he said that "such a refusal would be a criminal act, punishable by imprisonment. Fortunately, my party has just announced an ambitious prison building programme."
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 5th October 2006 | I just hope this solution isn't final.A brave attempt at satirising a very touchy subject and well handled. These things do have a habit of catching you out,though, What is deliberately over the top parody today is necessary government policy tomorrow
You got sharp incisive wit,look forward to more from you
cheers
BBS |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 5th October 2006 | A really good debut. I once lived on a corner. Very noisy.
Phil. | Me too...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 6th October 2006 | Nice little piece of business, Bob.
The trick of the tail is to keep your own face straight and not make it too complicated or scattered with too many gags. One gag per story always works.
Well done!
Slan! |
Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 6th October 2006 | Nice piece work, and as BBS, a brave one!
I can relate completely, you don't how many times I've been faced with a confused espression and a:
"But...you don't look Muslim"
Keep them coming
E x |
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 9th October 2006 | Two birds with one stone 
Great
Elli |
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