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Poetry
self
By no1butClo
05 October 2006
eeeeeeeuuuuuuuuaaaaaargh I don't like and there's something seriously wrong, criticism welcome

*welcome mat*

What is it?
What are these shadowed eyes,
painted lips and aching thoughts?
How did these rat-tails come about,
why this low ache in the abdomen?
Who decided on pallid skin and chipped nails,
calloused heels and black-out pores?
Which artist concluded these eyes were too big,
and shrunk them to fit [like a foot in a glove]?.
Why does my mass distribute like that,
an unfinished pear-shape, impatient for growth?
Why do these question congeal in my head?

I have nothing to say, it's already been said.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 5th October 2006
Actually, even though you have reservations, I like this. We all have self doubt and these are yours, well expressed. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th October 2006
I also liked this. I think the slightly awkward nature of the poem fits the subject quite well. The penultimate image of the first section was, I thought, not as strong as the others but apart from that I thought this was great. 
 
Elli
Vanity...
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 6th October 2006
Is a terrible thing Clo! 
 
But this wee poem is not! I like it - it has a ring of honesty and sincerity that many others lack. 
 
Oli.
from emma
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 11th October 2006
tis a good 'un luvly 
 
xxemxx

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