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Poetry
MRS VICTORIA MUSTAPHA AND FRIENDS, I TOO COULD USE A HAND
By Witzl
07 October 2006
I wrote this partly for fun after receiving an endless stream of dubious e-mail 'charity' appeals when I have been hoping for acceptances or even 'We liked your work, but...' responses. Still, I am hoping for honest criticism from readers. Does this sound stupid to you? Like I'm copying somebody else? Does it fail to charm or amuse? If so, please tell me. What I do not want -- and most likely don't deserve -- is fawning praise. If you really hate it or think it could be improved, I would like to hear your opinions. I may not pay them the least bit of mind, but I would like them all the same.

MRS VICTORIA MUSTAPHA AND FRIENDS, I TOO COULD USE A HAND

As pebbles find their way

into my shoes

And errant thoughts will wander

through my head

so too do all these wild appeals

these desperate and sad attempts

to garner trust and wherewithal

find their own way – blind and confused –

into my e-mail in-box.

Dearly esteemed they call me –

(And oh, would that I were!)

They spin afresh their painful tales of woe

of jealous rivals, life’s vicissitudes,

calamities and misery befallen.

Hard times and fiendish relatives,

double-crossing friends, dishonest politicians

have cruelly done them in and claimed their toll.

Rich treasures now lay hidden

just waiting to be claimed.

Nerve and spirit, steadfast Christian strength

are needed to recover them.

The dispossessed can but wait and hope!

Know this, my lost, beseeching friends:

I too am stranded and have strayed

and been betrayed

and long for treasure that is rightfully mine;

I too wait hopefully,

pathetically, for mail to come --

 For checks and acclamation

for praise and compliments

and homage long past-due


-- But I don’t write to you.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 7th October 2006
Hi Witzl. 
 
Honest crit: I thought this was well put together and read really well. It had a strong pulse as I moved through it. Simple subject, dealt with well. 
 
(Check/cheque?) 
 
Enjoyed very much. 
 
Phil.
A good poem...
Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 7th October 2006
Kind of personal in subject - I can't relate personally to the subject matter, but there is no doubting you have a talent for words/verse.  
 
It would be nice to read a poem of yours on a more "universal" theme - i.e. one we can all relate a bit more to. 
 
Oli.
haha
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 7th October 2006
OK, it's not often a poem makes me chuckle out loud, but the last line caught me out. Very well done. 
 
I'm afraid I must disagree in part with Oli. Hasn't everyone that has an email address at one time (or many more than one time) received one of these scams? 
 
However, if you did want to make it more 'universal', you might want to change the last 3 or 4 lines, which is an angst we in this forum may identify with, but the great unwashed may not. 
 
And fantastic though the last line is, I do write to them. It's amazing how their tales twist and turn as you offer them (non-fiscal) help.

Written by Thatllbemethen (83 comments posted) 31st January 2007
 
Hello Witzl 
 
Checking out some of your older stuff. 
 
This was worth a couple of reads which I needed to fully appreciate your poem. Probably me but I didn't feel the middle section read particularly smoothly. I loved the beginning and the end made me smile. 
 
I got the impression that you were holding back from a proper rant because perhaps you didn't feel quite as angry as your poem suggests. 
 
Good triple read. 
 
Cheers

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 2nd February 2007
I wasn't a bit angry when I wrote this; I was amused. I figured that I got enough of these spam e-mails that I ought to try and turn one into something lasting. And Victoria's name was too good to pass up on.  
 
Thank you for commenting on this, TBMT, and belated thanks to Phil, Oli, and Snodlander, all of whom I managed not to thank back in the old days when I didn't know my way around GW and kept deleting comments.  
 
Amusingly enough, this is the one piece of my work that I have managed to sell. I got $10 for this, and it is posted in Flashquake, an e-zine. And one of the critics (four to six people critique your work -- I highly recommend Flashquake) made just the comment you made, that the middle 'wasn't tight.' Sounds a little like my body.  

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