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Poetry
Buried in a Face
By Witzl
08 October 2006



BURIED IN A FACE

I saw her yesterday

sad-shuffling through the dry-blown waste

on legs gone bad, all bloated, puffy-pale

Sluggish blue-river veins

branched out to nothing points

Her grease-dulled hair hung down in stiffened clumps

and thick hands fumbling, calloused fingers slow

stretched out to take the change, with mumbled thanks

  There in her eyes – was that the spark

that made her mother smile and croon?

And swallowed up in seamed and furrowed cheek

two dimples once stamped artless on

a gap-toothed grinning face?

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 8th October 2006
This works very well for me. There's probably a word for the way you've described this woman - using verbs - it lends her a certain vitality, no matter how used up, that is contrasted well in the end when you hark back to earlier times. 
 
Really liked it. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
A quick PS
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 8th October 2006
Perhaps you should go back and edit the title of this - Bured in a face to Buried in a face. 
 
Phil.
Editing that insidious typo
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 8th October 2006
B U R I E D is indeed what I was aiming for. And I actually did write  
B U R I E D, but was sneakily sabotaged by the typo-bug who crept in and took away that 'I' just as I hit the 'submit' button. Honest.

Written by Thatllbemethen (83 comments posted) 31st January 2007
 
You'll get bored of me soon. Don't feel too polite to tell me to buggr off. 
 
Enjoyed this. In fact I was a little sad when it ended so soon. 
 
I wonder if 747AM was inspired to write his missing 'i' key short story from your above comments. 
 
Cheers

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 2nd February 2007
TBMT, I wouldn't dream of telling you to bugger off! I am pleased and gratified that you are bothering to go back to these old postings and give me your opinion on them. I do this from time to time -- partly because I miss a lot of things that come on when I am busy or asleep, and partly because there is an amazing amount of good stuff out there, much of which no one has commented on at all -- and now you are doing it for me. Go on doing it, by all means, and don't feel a bit shy about telling me if you think it sucks: that's what it's there for, to be commented on and, when necessary, criticized.

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