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Poetry
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Last Night's Storm
By kitten_princess
09 October 2006
I think the storm was more mental than physical. It's raining outside now though!

Comments, thoughts, etc, greatly appreciated, as usual.

The sun broke the sky's heart.
We saw the whole melodrama,
played out on that moonlit plateau
above our heads. The setting,

a depth of blue at first, then
turbulent grey, the colour of
frowns and love forgotten.
Moods stirred, without relief.

Tears were carelessly tossed
over the earth, each cloud
bequeathing its share

then
a crack; a cry.

A shard of pure emotion that
raced down to earth.
Not yellow, or mellow.
Just bright.

A breath. A sigh of wind
stroked those tortured heavens,
soothed the hurt, if not forever,
then until tomorrow. Until the next.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 9th October 2006
This works well as one big metaphor. In fact the whole piece works really well for me. The opening line is great and sets the mood for the poem. 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil. 

Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 10th October 2006
good stuff. many good bits, but for a couple of things...i like the first stanza, but you go from sun to moon and it confuses me! 
 
"a crack, a cry" reminds me of that moment in the golden prince story, oscar wilde... 
 
"yellow, not mellow" eeiish don't like it, but too quaint, find something else 
 
otherwise, lurvly 
 
x clo x

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 10th October 2006
I love the first, second and fourth stanza but the others didn't work so well for me; phrases such as "a shard of pure emotion" and "tortured heavens" are a bit too dramatic for my taste. The first line is really effective though and I too liked the "then/a crack;a cry"- simple statements which have a big impact. Keep working, you've got a great style :)
Very good!
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 10th October 2006
Agree with all the above. The only thing I'd emphasise is Clo's comment about mellow and yellow - too hackneyed - Donovan did it with his song "Mellow Yellow" - even then I thought the rhyme too "obvious". 
 
Otherwise top class! 
 
Oli.

Written by Sophie1 (12 comments posted) 18th November 2006
Enjoyed this, but I have to say, the line 'Not yellow or mellow' doesn't quite fit with the image of a 'shard'. :)
I like it
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 24th March 2007
Hi, 
First of all, I want to say I am a rain addict. I must admit that this is the weather which best affects me. I have adored rain since childhood. Because of this, I was eager to read your work when I saw the title. You described the storm very well indeed! I felt the setting while reading it. I see you enjoy rain too. :) At least you find some inspiration in it. So do I!  
I really like the poem. You was able to depict this particular weather. By the by, the last four lines are fantastic! There will always be another day when it’s raining! 
 
P. S. I sent you an e-mail about a week ago. Haven’t you got it? 
Nance. 

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