OUTSTMARTING THE WITCH On the outskirts of Umuedo farm settlement once lived Onuoha, a vibrant and dynamic young farmhand. Onuoha was orphaned early in life, so he had to work for other farmers for his livelihood, his parents having sold all their property when they were sick, before they finally died. They had wanted to bequeath a lasting legacy to their son, but the quest for an enduring cure to their illness stole everything they had. Of course they were never able to acquire any property, landed or otherwise for Onuoha, so they had died leaving him poorer than a church rat. Right from childhood, Onuoha was resilient, an attribute that was to help him later in life. He had taken the agony of his parents’ suffering with equanimity, doing anything he could to help their hopeless cause and leaving the rest, but never letting it weigh him down. He always made sure he never left any contract uncompleted, even if it had to mean working on the farm overnight. From what he earned from the farm he had taken care of his ailing parents, and the rest he had kept for his upkeep. His parents had been very glad for the kind of son they had, but they bemoaned their inability to leave him any bequest. When they finally died Onuoha had been very sad, though it was a relief for him. They died and did so with mixed feelings. They had been happy that Onuoha was a reliable young man who could be trusted to carry on the family name; that though he didn’t have anything to live on, he could manage perfectly well to survive. They had also been glad dying, so as to give their son time to settle down. But on the other hand, it had pained them seriously that Onuoha was going to be lonely and that they were finally dying when everything had been spent. As the custom demanded, Onuoha had to mourn the death of his parents for ten Nkwo market days, without work. During this period he was supposed to live on his savings, which were meagre. After ten and nine days of mourning, Onuoha ran out of food stuff and money. He just had a few cowreis at the beginning of the mourning period, and all of that got finished before the expiration of the first market day of mourning (which comprised eight days), leaving him with just his food stuff. This trickled until the tenth and nineteenth day. At this point, Onuoha was at his wits’ end. He still had a lot of days ahead of him, and he had little or no idea how he was going to survive those days. The villagers were not sympathetic to his cause, though he worked for many of them. Umuedo was a town where everybody was on their own and everything was strictly business, so Onuoha was not expecting help from anybody. But he wished somebody could come to his aid, for his days looked dreary. Some norms and traditions also prevailed, and many of them militated against bridging the gap between the rich and the poor. One of such was that a young man could never get married until he acquired landed property, and any young man who wished to acquire landed property had to wait until he was thirty years of age. Thus, those who were lucky enough to inherit landed property could get married, even in their teens, if they so desired. When he ran out of everything, Onuoha had to survive somehow. So he went into the bush one day, not to farm and thus go against the law of the land, and not to hunt (he was not trained to hunt, however, mourning also forbade hunting). He was there to pick palm kernels. He would come home to crack these kernels and they would be his food for the day. Initially, he nearly died of stomachache, but as the days wore on he got used to it and was getting on very well - eating kernels. Onuoha had traversed almost all the farms in Umuedo picking wild palm kernels (the wild ones were sweater than those processed at home, maybe because the palm oil was left to dry up on the shells), and so, as the days went by, he came home with fewer kernels. But one farm remained untrodden by Onuoha and no other villager dared to ventured into it for whatever reason. It was located at the northern axis of the farm settlement. This farmland belonged to a wicked witch named Ukwunnu. All the villagers avoided Ukwunnu and everything that belonged to her, and thus most of her farms always lay fallow. Unlike the other villagers who had access to hired labour, Ukwunnu and her children farmed the little they could and the rest they left to lie fallow for years. Being a nymphomaniac, Ukwunnu was reputed to render any man who slept with her impotent for the rest of his days. And not only that, his manhood afterwards turned into a very miniscule organ, hardly bigger than a one- year- old’s and never went back to its normal size. All of Ukwunnu’s children were sired by spirits, and the last one by a wizard, who also lost his manhood afterwards. So, no man was ever able to impregnate Ukwunnu except this wizard. It pained her that human beings, especially her neighbors avoided her like a plague. So, whenever she entrapped any of them, she was always merciless. When the inflow of kernels kept reducing until there was hardly any to take home, Onuoha decided to go to one of Ukwunnu’s farms. After all, he reasoned, she couldn’t possibly know that I went to her farm except if by a stroke of bad luck she happens to be at the farm when I get there, in which case I will not even venture in. Having arrived at this decision, he set out and after a long and tedious walk, he got there. Standing by the roadside, he surveyed the farmland, and when he was sure that the witch was nowhere close by, he said some incantations, lest there were any charms in the farm. Then he stepped in still looking uneasily over his shoulders. He went to the first palm tree and the harvest was very rich. He marveled at the number of kernels he picked, his sac almost half field and he advanced to the second palm tree, deciding that he would go home if he could pick as much as he picked at the first one. His sac was filled and it became very heavy, but he was determined to carry it home, heavy or light. Balancing the load on the ground, he reached for a nearby palm branch, and extracting a few leaves which he tied into a string, he set about sealing the mouth of the sac. When he was done sealing the sac, he bent down and picked it up, setting it on his shaven head. Then he turned and left the farm, trudging home. As he went home, he felt delighted, and he wondered whether all the powers attributed to Ukwunnu were not merely imaginary. Come to think of it, he reasoned, those stories must have been only legends. Whatever the case, he concluded, I have my kernel to myself and I’m returning there when this one finishes. As he moved, he whistled under his breath and suddenly, he stiffened, coming to a halt. Looking back the way he had been walking, he discovered much to his chagrin that he was taking the wrong way home. Sighing with disgust, he turned back and took another way. But that didn’t look familiar and he wondered if the road he had been walking earlier was not the right one after all. He found it difficult to think clearly, but he surely wondered how he could lose his way in a village he was brought up in and knew inside out. Though he had become aware that the road he was taking was the wrong one, he continued in spite of himself. He wanted to stop and go back to the one he was following earlier but something kept tugging at him from inside. It was as if his being was divided in two, one willing him to stop and go back, and the other pushing him along no matter the amount of psychological will power he tried to summon against it. He didn’t know the one to align himself with. As he moved on, he suddenly realized that he was headed towards Ukwunnu’s house and he fought harder inwardly to stop himself but his legs waltzed on and Onuoha decided on the spur of the moment to play along. There’s a chance that she won’t notice me, he told himself. As Onuoha closed in on Ukwunnu’s house, he wanted to slow down, but the unseen hands wouldn’t allow that. They kept pushing and he plunged on. Suddenly the wicked witch materialized, just on the path that led into her compound and behind her were her brood. For the first time in a long while Onuoha was able to use his own will. He came to an abrupt halt as he saw the witch. Giving out a loud cackle, the witch opened her arms, beckoning Onuoha “Indeed”, she said, laughing gleefully. “So you think you can outsmart the all-seeing and all-hearing Ukwunnu, ha, ha, ha, ha,” she went on cackling. “You can go with the kernel sac,” she bellowed, “but you have to pay a price, yes, a price”. Standing there, Onuoha wondered why had taken the risk of going to the witch’s farm. Now I’m trapped, what do I do, he asked himself inwardly. “There is nothing you can do,” Ukwunnu said reassuringly, reading his thoughts. Her children stood still like rocks watching with obvious interest. "If I forfeit the palm kernel bag", Onuoha asked the witch, "will you let me go?" She did not answer. But smiling, she began to bare her body, then she spoke. "You don’t have any choice", she said, “other than one, and that is to sleep with me. For being able to weigh your options before me, I dare say you’re brave and I like brave men, though you’re hardly a man. And I must warn you, don’t delude yourself. You can’t escape”. All the children laughed derisively, not batting an eyelid at the sight of their mother’s half naked body on the ground. Then the witch shrilled suddenly, “And now Onuoha, caaam to meeee! caaaaaam to meeeeee!” beckoning with her two hands. Onuoha who was in doubt about the witch’s powers was astonished that she could conjure up his name. She extended her hands which couldn’t quite reach Onuoha, but the eerie aura kept pulling him in. He found himself moving at the witch’s command much against his own will. He fought fervently to resist the movement, but his resistance was not even showing on the outside. It was as if he was hamstrung and being pushed forward. When he got close, the witch grabbed him by the left ankle, trying to make him lose balance and thus fall on her supine body. The bag of palm kernels fell from his head and the witch parried it with a surprising dexterity, drawing an applause from her children. Onuoha fought to free himself, but Ukwunnu’s grip was like a vice. She kept aiming for the second ankle so as to at least force Onuoha to the ground. “Okay”, Onuoha said, gasping for breath. "I give up. I hate the use of force in anything that I do. Why don’t we sit down and work this out?" “Good” the witch said smiling gleefully, “you’re now talking sense”. Letting go of Onuoha’s ankle, she sat up, her body still half-uncovered. “Ukwunnu”, Onuoha started when he had regained his breath. “Oh, you know my name!” the witch exclaimed. “Of course”, Onuoha snorted, "who doesn’t know about you in this village?” “I see”, she said, giving Onuoha a searching look. “What you’re asking for is abominable before the gods and our ancestors” “Is that what you want to work out? Who cares about the gods and your ancestors, don’t you consider that they could also punish you for straying into my farm?” "Fine",Onuoha rejoined, "allow them to do that, it’s their portion to apportion blames and punishments to mortals for their deeds, not yours”. "But nothing says I shouldn’t seek revenge when I’m offended, is there?",the witch blurted out. " And talking about the gods", she continued, "everybody is a god, only that people don’t know. At least people like you don’t know. "When I die, my powers will still remain with me and when people worship me and ask for favours, they shall have them”. She laughed as she finished off, her hands thrown in the air. “Why do they have to wait until you die”, Onuoha asked, a disdainful smile creasing his face, “let them worship you now that you’re still alive”. “You’re just a kid”, Ukwunnu replied, a cynical smile forming on her lips, "but I’ll tell you. People must die before they become gods, it’s a process that leads to another." “Then you’re going to be a wicked goddess”, Onuoha said, looking her over scornfully, "good at nothing but taking a special joy in strangulating her worshippers”. Ukwunnu’s children idly stood by and watched with satisfaction, the episode that was going to herald Onuoha’s destruction, for they knew about their mother’s escapades. “Alright”, she said, "I think I have had enough. This is the time to get into one another”. Then she lay back on the ground, her flabby breasts falling to either side. Onuoha glanced around in fright, looking for what could save him from the despicable lot, and there it was. Ukwunnu and her children laughed boisterously and in their excitement, they didn’t notice him grab the magical leaf. Immediately, he stuffed it into his mouth and chewed away feverishly. The opete leaf was capable of many magical fits, like if squeezed and the water extracted, it could make anyone into whose drink it was dropped sleep for hours. It could also charm snakes if sprinkled on them, to name just a few. So Onuoha chewed the opete leaf and Ukwunnu in her burning desire could not figure out what he was eating, until it was too late. When she sensed that it could be the magical leaf, she bounded up but Onuoha put out a hand, talking gibberish. “No”. he shouted on top of his voice, and Ukwunnu slowly slumped back to the ground, her hand quickly flying to her clothend, tugging wildly for the charms she always had about her, but again, she was a trifle too late as Onuoha grinned wolfishly and said, "Sleeeeeep! Fall fast asleep and gubri tubri ogubri otubri,eri reghe gubri otubri gubri," and the witch was fast asleep and snoring. Seeing what happened, Ukwunnu’s children,all of them eight in number charged at Onuoha and he took to his heels, momentarily forgetting the leaf in his mouth. Then he remembered and turned around without warning. “You too”, he shouted, “fall asleep and stay asleep. Opete leaf tells you to fall asleep and never wake up until it’s moonlight”, and they all fell to the ground like blind bats, whimpering briefly before going into deep slumber. Heaving a sigh of relief Onuoha spat out the crushed leaf and turning around, he went back to where the witch lay snoring. Regarding her for a long moment, he smiled with delight; The indomitable witch has for once been defeated, he thought to himself. Then he bent down and the sac sailed unto his head, balancing. Onuoha headed home, feeling very happy and fulfilled, but he had one conviction as he went, he would never set foot into any of the witch’s farms again.