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| Wacky Jill-The Gravel Pit | |
| By BrianRobertNeal | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10 October 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I'm stuck in verbose mode and can't copy the feel of part one. Wacky Jill: The Gravel Pit Her alarm went off at six and she was up and into the shower. She took time over her hair and put on “light make up”. She spent 20 minutes deciding which of her three trouser suits she should wear. Her second best was the winner and she found matching sensible flat shoes. She looked at her watch: it was 6.50. “Oh shit” she exclaimed and ran down stairs and into the kitchen. Jayne greeted her, “Morning Mum, sit down you’re having breakfast and don’t argue.” The table was set for two and on it was cups, plates etc, perked coffee, croissants, orange juice and scrambled egg. WJ quickly woofed hers down, so at about 7 she shot up and said, “Thanks lovey, but I must be off” However she found time to give her daughter a big “mummy’s hug and slobbery kiss”. She picked up her case, walked out to the car and used the central unlocking button on her car key, it tickled her, for the lights flashed and the indicators blinked. It was as though the car was saying “Morning Mummy”. She got in, closed the door, put on her belt and turned on the ignition. As she drove forwards a voice said, “You should turn left-immediately”. In shock, she shot off her drive and almost up the one opposite her house. In addition to fitting her car phone’s hands free kit Harry had installed a Sat-Nav and programmed it for today’s journey. However she turned right. The Sat-Nav barked, “Turn round you are driving into a Cul-de-sac.” She ignored it and it now started to sound frenetic. She drove between two garages behind which was a ramp which ran down to the Utility Vehicle’s relief slip road. The Sat-Nav was now giving a range of contradictory instructions. It was clear, i.e no Police Cars on it, so she slipped onto the dual carriage way and headed for somewhere utterly obscure in Essex. The Sat-Nav regained its composure and once again gave sensible instructions. She liked in particular; when she was approaching a roundabout; being instructed as to which lane to be in. At about 8.30 am, foloowing instruction, she turned left off the main road and went down a road that became narrower as she progressed. For the 1st time in her life she was delighted to find herself behind a slow-moving agricultural vehicle. The Sat-Nav finally came back into life and instructed “Right.” There wasn’t a right. However about 15 minutes on the tractor and trailer turned left at a T-Junction and she went right. “In 50 metres turn left.” She looked down the suggested road; it was just about wide enough for two bikes to pass as long as both riders kept their elbows in. She thought “Bugger that I’m not going up there.” So she continued down the far wider road that was broadening as she looked ahead. The Sat-Nav went berserk. She hit what she thought was the off Button however the Sat-Nav was now going berserk in German. She slapped out at it, which merely knocked it out of its holder, it fell and bounced under the passenger seat. It became silent, “Oh dear”, thought WJ, “I’ve killed it; still it was them or me.” She finally reached a stop-line, beyond which ran a village’s main street. There was a pull in for local busses to her left. So she went left and pulled into it. It was 9am and she still had an hour in hand. She opened her case and read the instructions that she’d been given. She had no idea where she was. Then her phone rang, “Jackie it’s Rob, whatever you do don’t drive to the Gravel Pit, it’s a bugger to find and a very awkward road to follow. I tell you what; you’ll go through a small village before the turn to the Gravel Pit. Now, where the Railway Station used to be; it’s now a builders yard; you’ll find the Village Car Park. Pull in there and wait. He rang off. She looked across to her right and there was a car park and behind it what looked like a Builders Yard. So she went over and parked in the middle where she could be clearly seen About 15 minutes later a posh red Renault pulled into the car park and then parked nose onto the nose of her car. They both got out, Jackie smiled and asked “Rob lane?” “Jackie Wills?” “No” she giggled, “How daft can we get, I know who you are and you know who I am, furthermore ours are the only cars here. He stared at her and there was something disturbingly familiar about her, she reminded him of someone, but he had no idea who. It was something in her dark brown eyes and impish grin. She thought, “Oh god he’s staring at my huge conk, what about my ample bosom, trim waist and pert bum. He thought, “Oh god she’s thinking what a pathetic old git.” Rob suggested, “Well Wackie Jill, I suggest that you get in and we’ll travel to the Pit in my Renault. She stopped in her tracks, “Why did you call me that? Something in her manner caused Rob to feel uncomfortable, he haltingly answered, “It’s your nickname, we all have them, mine is “Tweetie-Pie”, cos my boss’s surname is Silvester, though it’s now shrunk to TP. “It’s odd, that’s all, cos when I was at school, a Teacher nicknamed me Wacky Jill and it has sort of stuck” “Which do you prefer?” “Call me Jackie”. She got her case out her car, and put it in the back of his. “Look at the state of your Car”, she picked up an empty plastic bag that was lying on the floor in the back and swiftly collected up a miscellany of empty fag packets, crisp bags, etc and from underneath the Driver’s seat, a copy of Razzle, a Girlie Magazine. He looked completely embarrassed. “Oh don’t worry Rob, unlike me; you’ve not appeared in it. There was a time when for money I did a range of things, but I was never on the game.” She put the mag into the glove box, put the bag of rubbish into the Car Park’s large but empty refuse bin, then got into the car, and in a posh voice said, “Now Parker drive me to the Gravel Pit” Rob replied, “Yes M’lady. In the fifteen minute drive, she had told him her life story, i.e. adopted by childless couple, no brothers or sisters, a daughter, one parent family, buying her own home and there was nobody in her life. It was then Rob’s turn, he had three sons, a wife and loved AmDram and Football. They arrived at about 9.45 and Rob was surprised to find that the Pit’s gates were still padlocked and that there was no sign of life. So he phoned the Customer to find out where what was happening. The hands free kit allowed Jackie to be a party to the conversation. Customer-Noggins and Coggins Aggregates, Phil Coggins here. Rob-Where are you. Customer-In my office, I’ve got this bloke coming to see me at ten, so if you want me to come out and give a quote, I couldn’t do it this morning. Anyway who are you? Rob-I’m the bloke who was coming to see you at ten, at the gravel pit. Customer-Bugger, so you were, I tell you what, we’re not running the plant today, so go to the farm; it’s just back and to your right. Don’t get out of your car cos the dogs will have you. Sit tight and toot your horn three times. The woman there’ll give you the keys to get in. Don’t leave the gate open. He rang off. Jackie was in fits of laughter, “Rob, your face was a picture.” So they drove to the farm and tooted the horn. An elderly woman came out of a shed with a huge ring of keys, “It be on ‘ere somewhere, he phoned me about hour ago and warned me you’d be coming”. Then she was gone. It was only when they got back to the gates that it struck them both, that her safety gear was in the back of her car, in the Village Car Park. This was becoming a complete disaster. “Look Jackie, I’ve got a range of equipment in the boot” The spare hard hat was no problem nor was the reflective jacket though she had to pull the sleeves up and ruck them above her elbows. Footwear was another matter, she just flopped about in the Dr.Martins and then the Rigger Boots. Rob came up with the solution; she should keep her shoes on and slip her feet into his Wellingtons. She managed the left leg well, beginners luck, but the right leg was obdurate and she struggled. She gave a final tug, her leg shot into the Wellie but she lost her balance. Rob grabbed at her to stop her falling which was a partial success as she fell on top of him rather than road. She scrabbled to get up, and accidentally pushed down for a moment on somewhere intimate noting that Rob was quite aroused. She had to admit to herself that she was a trifle sticky. To be continued.
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