READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2105 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
Bird
By ellipinnock
10 October 2006
I wrote this as an exercise in my poetry class last night, theme was birds...it had to have some rhythm (though not necessarily strict or symmetrical :) )

Appearing slowly through
The beery slush
Haggard, old beyond her years.
A fool, for anyone to take
Advantage of in any way they choose.

She knows nothing of her former life
And cares not for it either.

To her all places seem alike,
A murky fug of fags and beer.
Yet when the mist begins to thin
And when the noise around her dims,
Freeing the edges of her mind.
She sobs and cries, collapsed, deflated.
The hollow truth behind those tired eyes
Revealed, exposed, for all to see.

Reviews
How could you...
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 10th October 2006
Write about my old mum like that? :eek  
 
Only joking! Very nice! Poetry classes :roll  
 
Soon we'll have two professionals in our ranks (t'other being the great Ged!) 
 
I like the "beery slush". "fug of fags" - effective alliteration.  
 
Only wish you wouldn't mention beer so much when I'm on the wagon :grin  
 
Wonderful as usual Elli - look forward to reviewing your posts. 
 
Oli

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 10th October 2006
As Oli. Thought this was a wonderful poem, full of wonderful images. 
 
As for rhythm, I thought it had a really good pulse to it. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Sorry Oli!
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 11th October 2006
Thanks for your comments...apologies for the gratuitous mentions of alcoholic beverages :) 
 
Elli
Hi Phil
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 11th October 2006
Thanks for your comments. Thought I'd get me iambs out of the cupboard and dust 'em off :) Glad you liked it. 
 
Elli

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th October 2006
I liked the 'murky fug of fags and beer' too, and enjoyed this poem. 
 
I had an American moment here and found myself wondering where the birds were. Then slowly the mist in my mind thinned a little and it hit: Oh, THAT kind of bird!

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item