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Poetry
The Mountain
By dougle
23 May 2005
what do you think?

So he stands in deathless watch, Seeing what he can never hold, Tormenting himself and burning his soul, Blaming none but one for his eternal torture, He who failed to guard his love, Who’s violent passing turned his heart to dust. Until time took pity on him And turned him to stone, So that he may watch over his love Until the stars are dead and time ended. You can see him still Standing over the grave of his love As she rests in his caring embrace of shadow His tears yet run in rivers down to the sea.

Reviews

Written by spiderbaby49 (137 comments posted) 4th January 2006
I think it's a lovely, well, wrong word, heartbreaking, poem. 
 
Did you mean the formatting as it is? I am a bit of a stickler for poems looking like poems! Lol. 
 
There are one or two points I woiuld comment on. 
May I lay it out in a more easy to read format so that I can see how it flows? 
 
So he stands in deathless watch,  
Seeing what he can never hold,  
Tormenting himself and burning his soul,  
Blaming none but one for his eternal torture.  
He who failed to guard his love 
who’s violent passing turned his heart to dust  
Until time took pity on him  
And turned him to stone,  
So that he may watch over his love  
Until the stars are dead and time ended.  
You can see him still Standing  
over the grave of his love As she rests  
in his caring embrace of shadow  
His tears yet run in rivers down to the sea. 
 
repetition of Until 
I think you can lose some of the cap letters and look at the commas and full stops in order to tweak the flow. 
 
It's got an olde worlde feel to it. A tragic poem. 
 
Quite moving. 
 
spidey 
 

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