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Poetry
Elizabeth
By gutterkitty
11 October 2006
The idea for this piece came out of nowhere. I'm not sure if it would be more appropriately classed as prose- I'm a bit baffled by it to be honest.
It is written from the viewpoint of a young child. Elizabeth was the name of my best friend when I was seven.

I said to Elizabeth
that sometimes, I wonder if
we're really filled with
guts
and
muscles
and
bones
and things.

She asked me why,
so I replied:
"Because sometimes
I feel
quite empty,
when I'm sad."

She was quiet a little while.
"If you were all hollow,"
she wondered slowly,
"What would you keep inside?"

Then I was quiet too, because I wasn't sure.
Eventually I knew.
"Birds, beneath my rib cage.
They'd tickle me during class,
and I'd smile, and no one would know why."

Elizabeth wasn't sure.
"But don't you think, eventually,
they would starve, and die?"

"I'd roll pieces of bread between my fingers
and then I'd eat them and
they'd catch them with their beaks."

"What if they ate,
not just bread but
your
lunch
and
dinner
and
breakfast
and
tea?"

I hooked my thumbs together,
waggled my fingers,
and flew my bird-hands to her.
"Well then, I suppose
I'd have to set them free."

Reviews
awww
Written by kerry1983 (9 comments posted) 11th October 2006
Makes you think of childhood. 
I found it sweet. 
You should do little 'light stories' a day calendar. 
I'd buy it! 
 
Kez x 
Despite...
Written by patterjack (1343 comments posted) 11th October 2006
... my general dislike of long works with short lines , I have to make this an exception., because the subject matter and the expression complement each other so closely . 
 
I am sure that there are reviewers who would class it , even condemn it , as Ragged Poetic Prose , which does not rhyme,but I think it captures the rhythm ( and note that I differentiate rhythm from metre ) of children's conversational pace in discussion , especially the effect gained by the lists . 
 
You could indeed make a prose piece of it if you wanted to . I retyped it as prose to analyse it but it loosens the piece too much. As poetry it has a greater compression and therefore greater impact. To me as a poem it also allows for a more directed vocal expression though remaining still within a performer's individuality of interpretation . 
 
You may gather from all this that i really enjoyed the piece . 
 
patterjack
Poetry lesson.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 11th October 2006
Beautifully executed piece of business, kitty. I am all at one with Brian above. You have caught the oftimes ignored distinction as between rhythm and metre and expertly transcribed the the idiom of a child's voice. I would pay you the compliment of saying this would challenge a child's imagination as well as that of an adult. Talisker and Patterjack apart, best piece I have read for some time on this forum.  
 
So very well done. 
 
Slan!
Very nice Kitty!
Written by MarjoryBanks (14 comments posted) 12th October 2006
Great sense of childish wonder. Works just great the way it is. Often what comes naturally is best not over-analysed. 
 
Fabulous! 
 
Marge.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 12th October 2006
Wow. Thanks everyone! I wasn't expecting such positive feedback. I'm really glad you like it. 
 
Kerry- currently I have no calendar-making plans, but if I ever change my mind you'll be the first to know! 
 
patterjack- your enthusiasm and encouragement is always valued. Thank you :) 
 
GC- I'm not sure I'm worthy of such compliments! That's not going to stop me from accepting them though- thanks! 
 
Marge- I totally agree. Thank you for your comment. 
 
 
 

Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 12th October 2006
I thought this was a great read. I don't share Patterjack's dislike of long works with short lines, but could not disagree with anything else he said. 
 
I too really enjoyed this. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 16th October 2006
Thank you Phil- comment much appreciated :)

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